A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.
His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"
Oh, no: I never found her head
Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn, licking his balls.
One guy says to the other, "Man, I sure wish I could do that".
The other guy says, "Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?
What do you call a cow masturbating.........beef strokin' off
Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child?
Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards.