Tues funny - men and women
02-19-2002, 01:00 PM
#1
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Tues funny - men and women
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will
call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Sh*t-Head and Spud.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each
throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will
have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want
change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1
for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S. The
average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A
man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a
man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty
the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware
of some short people living in his house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in
two people remembering the same thing.
If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will
call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Sh*t-Head and Spud.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each
throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will
have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want
change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1
for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S. The
average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A
man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a
man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty
the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware
of some short people living in his house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in
two people remembering the same thing.
02-19-2002, 03:49 PM
#7
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Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: On the back of a chicks M3..If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair!!
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Now that's just plain RUDE!!!!!!!
Sheeeeeeeeeesh......We get dressed up to go to the booby bar too ya know.......
