I f''king love it.. This will be a classic.
The Jersey Redneck Piney Press
Toms River NJ – July 2nd 2008: Rich “KING OF THE PINEYS” Cole, also known as Triple Digits to anyone south of Parkway Exit 82 “aka Double Digits to anyone north of Exit 82,” was challenged by several members of that mean spirited internet board offshoreonly.com also known as ‘OSO” this week to run 100mph or better.
Our in the forest reporter, Jimmy “No fork in my family pine tree” Smith caught up to the Piney Legend a little while ago in his garage working the fastest 22 Stingray in the world.
Jimmy Smith: “Rich, what’s all the hoopla about these days about you and your 22’ backwoods waterborn rocketship?”
Double Digits: “Well………….uhhhhhhhhhhhh I knew they were gonna be startin some stuff wit me.”
Jimmy Smith: “Well, like what?’
Double Digits: “I’m a real big street racer and I’m the first guy on Barnegat Bay to race people for money and win over $50,000 a year with my championship 22’ Stingray.”
Jimmy Smith: “That’s funny, we’ve never heard of racing for money on Barnegat Bay?’
Double Digits: “Well I figure that if I pull along side some of these bigger boats and race’um and I beat’um, they owe me some money!’ I just haven’t figured out a way to collect it yet?”
Jimmy Smith: “Wow that’s pretty amazing! How do you plan on collecting the money?”
Double Digits: “uhhhhh I ain’t to sure about that – still tryin to figure that out?”
Jimmy Smith: “ we heard that you ran only 87.1mph last weekend when your boat is named Triple Digits for the speed that it does. Whats up with that?’
Double Digits: “Well first off, it was kinda muggy that morning, and my dog had a case of the ass so I didn’t have enough time to lay bags of ice on the intake to cool down the air. Plus we used most of the ice the night before to keep the Old Milwawkee cold when I had my boys over the shop. It was also pretty flat with only chop high enough to slap my buddy Junior in the ankles.”
Jimmy Smith: “Wow, sounds like a tough break?”
Double Digits: “It wasn’t too bad, I wouldn’t have even done 87.1mph if I hadn’t taken a monster size dump 1hr before the run.”
Jimmy Smith: “From what I’ve read online as of today, some folks have raised $5500 to put on the line for you to do 100.1mph or better this weekend? Sounds like taking candy from a baby with this monster machine you got right here?’
Double Digits: “Well Jimmy, I’ve been hittin the laxitives pretty hard to bring the total weight of the boat down. I also was reading a book called “pukin n poopin – how toi break a 100mph in a 22’ ****box.” No pun intended on the name of the book.”
Jimmy Smith: “Well that sounds impressive but don’t you think you need a little more than that?”
Double Digits: “Yeah………I think if I also get some wind to my back and hit the outgoing current right I could probably pick up some speed.” Also, if there are any downhill parts of the bay, that’s good for a mph or two.”
Jimmy Smith: “I still think you may need a little more than that?”
Double Digits: “yeah…..but don’t tell anyone but I’m gonna disappear until all this blows over cause I ain’t got $5500 to put up so as the old sayin goes – if ya can’t put up – shut up!”
Jimmy Smith: “But a world champion street racer like yourself? Running and hiding like that in some hole?”
Double Digits: “aint all that bad, I still got some old milwakee left and I stashed a box of twinkees in the hole I’m gonna hide in.”
Jimmy Smith: “ Well Rich, thanks for your time and we hope you find a downhill on the bay larger than the Batman roller coaster at Six Flags this weekend if you do decide to go out and take a shot at the $5500.”
Last edited by DaveP; 07-03-2008 at 11:26 PM.
I f''king love it.. This will be a classic.
Dave your on a roll!!! LOL
You are judged by the company you keep!
I think the challenge should be based on the "Pinks" principle.
Retired! Boating full-time now.
Yawn....... what a waste of time......
after all the chit talk has he not responded to anything....
and no power
The Jersey Redneck Piney Press
KING PINEY’S NOT JUST SITTING SCRATCHIN HIS HINEY!
Toms River NJ – July 3rd 2008: Rich “KING OF THE PINEYS” Cole, isn’t sitting around scratching hiney like we all suspected him to. No sir-eee! After some extensive investigative work, we discovered Jersey’s own Lake “X!”
Down in Piney Land, there is a little not well known marina know as Dixie’s marina. Dixie’s looks like your typical off the beaten path Piney Crab Shack & Marina. Little does anyone know that it also serves as Jersey’s own Lake “X!” As we looked around we found an old barn in the back. Upon walking inside we found the King of the Piney’s himself!
Jimmy Smith: “Rich, what’s up with you laying on your back under the boat? Are you blueprinting the bottom?
Double Digits: “Well………….my printer only has black ink so printing blue is out of the question”
Jimmy Smith: “Oh………..I see. What’s that gun shaped object in your hand that you are pointing at the bottom that is making a clicking sound?”
Double Digits: “It’s my latest secret weapon! You remember back in the 70’s when everybody had the really big records? There used to be a tool called “ZERO STAT!”
Jimmy Smith: “Yeah I think I remember those things but they were for records right?’
Double Digits: “Well yeah but I think I’m onto something here. First it’s called ZERO STAT. That right there gets me tinglin since my name is Triple Digits and there are two zeros in the number 100!”
Jimmy Smith: “Any scientific or mathematical research that can tie the two together?”
Double Digits: “Whats mathemamatical?”
Jimmy Smith: “ Uhhhhhhhhhh never mind………..so what does the ZERO STAT do?’
Double Digits: “Well, I climb under the boat and squeeze the ZERO STAT gun and it spits positive charged stuff on the bottom of the boat. With the bottom of the boat covered in all this positive stuff – the negative stuff (water) should bounce right off and give me more speed!”
Jimmy Smith: “Water is negatively charged?”
Double Digits: “I ain’t got no idea but I know it has a negative effect on my boat’s speed since my boat is glued to it. The only side affect is that my hair stands straight up for a few hours.”
Jimmy Smith: “So you really think this is gonna help?”
Double Digits: “I tried coatin the bottom with baby oil but I got some on the bottom of my feet and I slipped and fell on the box of twinkees. They are now cream filled pancakes.”
Jimmy Smith: “Talking about pancakes, you look like your really slimmin down”
Double Digits: “yeah…..I finished the Pukin and Poopin book and now I’m on onto reading “Laxatives – Loose Your Ass And Add MPH!!”
Jimmy Smith: “Whats up with all these damn GreenHead Flies around here?”
Double Digits: “I’m gonna glue a hundred of those little bastards to the deck of my boat and I figure they will add a few horseFLYpower! Pretty trick huh?”
Jimmy Smith: “Those things bite and hurt though”
Double Digits: “Just need to drink a case of old Milwaukee and don’t shower for a day and they won’t come no where near ya. And if they do, the minute they bite ya they die and fall right off.”
Jimmy Smith: “Any luck finding a downhill spot on the bay?”
Double Digits: “Yupper! Me and my buddy went out the other day with a level and we found a downhill slope east of marker 68.”
Jimmy Smith: “So with all of the latest technology finds you have, are you going to go for the $5500 in cash? Rich????????????? Don’t just walk away with your head down…..”
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