Offshoreonly.com - OT: How to understand women

Here you go guys now you will understand: WOMEN
A Woman's Dictionary

1. "Fine"
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are
right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should
shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you
to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel
that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"
"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is
usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you
inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an
argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the
result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a
"five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want
because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few
minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about
"Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very
frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a
complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing!."

7. "Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few
things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily
content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment
will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh"
This word -- followed by any statement - is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me
get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night."
If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes
out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. (
"Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a
lie). Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised
eyebrow "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't
bring myself to write about them.

9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding
what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often
used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go
Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big
trouble.

10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance
to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance
to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you
shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. "Thanks"
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning.
Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot"
"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say
"Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed
by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous
way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will
only tell you "Nothing".