Risk Taker

An Australian arrives in Los Angeles on holidays and
rents a car to get around...

Momentarily forgetting which side of the road to drive
on he smashes into another car head on, receiving some
injuries, thankfully just mild ones...

When the police arrive, the australian gives his statement.
When he's finished the policeman says "You know, you really
shouldn't be so careless. I mean did you come here to die?"

To which the Australian replied "No. Yesterday."

*********************************************

A biker walks into a neighborhood bar. He's a rather large, menacing chap. He chugs back a beer and says, "All the guys on this side of the bar are cocksuckers! Anyone got a problem with that?"
Everyone is understandably silent.
He then chugs back another beer and says, "All the guys on the other side of the bar are motherf*ckers! Anyone got a problem with that?"
Everyone is silent, again.
Then one man gets up from his stool and starts to walk towards the man.
"You got a problem, buddy?"
"No, I'm just on the wrong side of the bar."