A man came into a bar and ordered three shots of Scotch whiskey, which he quickly drank one after another. When he finished the last one, he ordered three more. The bartender said, "You know, that isn't good for you."

"I know," the man replied, "particularly with what I have."

"What do you have?" the bartender asked.

"One dollar."


Three guys go to a ski lodge. There aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.

In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!”

The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too.

Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!”


A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring
over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her."


A rich guy and a poor guy are discussing what they bought their wives for their Anniversaries. The poor guy says, “So, what did you get your wife for your Anniversary?”

“I bought her a fur coat and a BMW,” he says.

“Wow,” says the poor guy. “Why did you buy her that?”

“Because,” the rich guy says, “if she doesn’t like the fur coat, she can jump in the BMW and return it.”

“What did you buy your wife?” asks the rich man.

“I bought her a pair of bedroom slippers and a dildo.”

“Why did you buy her that?” the rich guy inquires.

“The way I figure it,” replies the poor guy, “if she doesn’t like her bedroom slippers, she can go f*ck herself!!”