Offshoreonly.com - Hump Day Humor

A pregnant woman walked into a doctor’s office to have an ultrasound. After finding out the baby was going to be a girl, the doctor asked the mother what she planned on naming her child.

“Shenequa,” she replied.

“Do you have any other children?” he continued.

“Five other daughters, all named Shenequa,” she said.

A little confused, the doctor asked, “How do you call them all home for dinner?”

“That’s easy I just yell, ‘Shenequa, supper!’ and they all come home,” she responds.

“What if you’re going somewhere?” the doctor then asks.

“That’s easy too,” she says, “I just say ‘Shenequa lets go!’ and they all come running.”

“What if you only want to speak with one of them?” the doctor asks.

“Well then I just call them by their last name.”

***********

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.”
The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Fifteen minutes later, the man says, “Get me another beer before it starts.”
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.
He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute.”
The wife is furious. She yells at him, “Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore…”
The man sighs and says, “It’s started…”

***********

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband’s lack of interest in sex. She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship, and finally decided to purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a novelty shop.

One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned her crotchless undies and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the television and suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm.

“Want some of this?” she purred.

“Are you kidding?”, he replied. “Look what it did to your underwear!”

:eek: :eek: :eek: :D :D