Risk Taker

The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington designating Southern slang, or y'allbonics, as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. The following are excerpts from the Y'allbonics/English dictionary.

HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage "Heidi, Hire yew?"

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage "Them bammer boys sure are ignert !"

RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage "My grampaw retard at age 65."

FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

CHEER - (adverb) In this place. Usage Just set that bare rat cheer.

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage "He's did, Jim."

ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas. Oxygen. Usage "He cain't breathe... give 'im some ARE !"

BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny ?"

HAZE - a contraction. Usage "Is Bubba smart ? Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."

SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see". Usage "Billy Bob seed Bubba over'ta the fill'n station yester'd."

VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage "I ain't never seed New York City ... view ?"

GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."

CigDaze

MissAmy

Those are too funny, Risk!

Milord

eyezlee

You know what's really funny? Most of these I have heard or said mysef.

Forgot:

jeetyet and juwanto

Shane

Tonto

And don't forget, innuendo n., An indirect, subtle, usu. derogatory insinuation.

Man, I saw a bird fly innuendo!

Robert

Iggy

What's your problem? I understood every word.
Oh that's sacry.
Man, I've been living down here too long.

On our first driving trip to Florida we stopped someplace in Georgia for gas. The attendant asked me a question, which I didn't understand so I asked him to repeat it. This time I got it and said "no thanks". My wife asked what he said since she didn't get it either. He was asking to check the oil but it came out like a cross between earl and oil.
To this day I can't repeat it like he did.

Tbonepmp

mattyboy