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  1. #1

    How to get srewed without a women.



    This was going to be one of those things I longed for in my life, roar of engines, skipping across the waves in the warm sun. No one ever told me I would hear my engine's crunch, meet mountainous waves in the pouring rain. But I wanted to offshore race !

    Well it all started with a well laid out plan. With trips to the boat factory, engine builder, ect and a picture of grandeur painted, instead I got wrong colors painted, nicked up boat, engines that would not rev up, oil leaks, trailer tire's that came off and beat me home, delays, rear ended, attacked by an ostrich and red rhino.

    But they said don't worry about I'll take care of it and they did when I ended up some two hundred fifty miles down the coast line they towed us back to the factory to finish the boat.

    Well finally after seven months and two hundred thousand dollars, things smoothed out. And those engines, man did they sound good, did not matter to me that they vibrated all the screws lose in the whole boat and plugged my ears up or the fact the boat went either ten miles per hour or ninety. None of that really mattered because I wanted to offshore race.

    Well I heard about this Pa' Neva race so I got the help of this x-racer to look things over on my brand new offshore pleasure boat. What's this, a windshield, got to go, along with the back seat, doors, cushions, sink, tape player, mirrors, then the final blow, he said what's this, I said my pillow, it only weights four ounces, out with it. Probably fifty thousand dollars worth, but it all made sense to me because I was going to offshore race.

    The day finally arrived, The [Pa' Neva Offshore Grand Prix] cold, snowy, windy, dull, but I was ready with twelve other willing participants.

    I pulled in and this little guy Moe Forge said, you pulled that 41' monstrosity here with that little Fraizer.
    [I did not know you were not suppose to tow a big boat with a small vehicle] so not to sound to far off, I lied and told him I rented two airplane propellers, put them on my I O's started my engines and flew most of the way.

    Everyone was real nice and our competition came over to us and said hi were the Fieascal race team and when your out in the water we are going to whip your butt [ I thought threaten me with a good time] but you are safe now because your on land. They also said, we will give you a map that will tell you where to go, I said don't worry I 've been told where to go lots of times before.

    Now it's time for this so called inspection. I did not know this little guy Moe Forge was really the big guy of all offshore and proceeded to inspect my boat. Hmm-hmm-hmm, these are new, hmm-hmm does the radio work, I said you want WMMS, he said try 06 and 78, I grabbed the mike and said hmm and he answered hmm and was on his way.

    I finally passed the physical after ruining all my finger nails on that dam stick. At the drivers meeting they told us the offshore race was going to be not so far offshore so the thirteen and a half spectators could view the not so far offshore race. I looked over the charts and thought this would be cool for the first race because if I got thrown out of the boat I could just walk back to shore.

    Its getting close to race time and we were told about this turn boat, that pillow, [pillow ! see I knew I should have saved mine] start 300 yards behind all the real racer boats, 9 laps, 7 laps, red flags, green flags, pace boats, checked flags, maintain position in turns and of all things, they were going to have a smoke before the start.

    Well its this milling circle that milling circle and were out there and not a dam soul in sight, they didn't tell me not to leave a half hour early, oh there's that Fieascal race team, let follow them, RMMM-RMMM, now should I pass them on the right or left, boy is this cool but I'm getting dizzy going around these little circles. Oh oh smoke, somebody's boat must of caught on fire, look he is taking off and everyone is trying to help him.
    No my god this is what I have been waiting for, yellow flag RMMMMM, green flag RMMMMM, RMMMM were gone, boy is visibility poor, wait a minute that's the bulk head. I could see a lot better now that I was standing up again. What this a 45 degree lisp to the starboard side, you mean its my job to straighten us up. This tab, that tap, up IO's, down IO's, I can even hang on, why did I do this, I'm cold, my fingers are frozen, I'll never do this again, I want my mommy ! you guys are absolutely NUTS !!-----------------------------------------------------------------------What's that you said---------------------------------------------I won-------------------------------------------by the way when did you say that next race was.

    By Joseph T Butas V-10 & F-258 CGS Ferocious rookie year 1996
    Last edited by T-man; 10-17-2002 at 01:39 PM.

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Joe, you are tops!
    Attached Images Attached Images

  4. #4
    Registered EvilTwin's Avatar
    My Boats:
    Hustler 388
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Sacandaga Lake
    The kid who bought that boat was at the 1000 Islands Poker run last august. It sounded nice, but was a little rough around the edges (cracks and such).

  5. #5
    Registered Shane's Avatar
    My Boats:
    2009 FORMULA 292
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Lake George, NY it's not called "Queen of American Lakes" for nothin'!
    I raced the sister boat to CGS! UNLEASHED, owned by BruceK of the board. I too saw CGS in Gananoque. What a good running hull it is! I hope the new owner appreciates its lineage.

  6. #6

    different boat

    Originally posted by EvilTwin
    The kid who bought that boat was at the 1000 Islands Poker run last august. It sounded nice, but was a little rough around the edges (cracks and such).
    That was the old Super V-10 Velocity, that class was hell on the boat, the new one F-258 is a yr 2000 in the pic thanks to Bob.

  7. #7
    Originally posted by Shane
    I raced the sister boat to CGS! UNLEASHED, owned by BruceK of the board. I too saw CGS in Gananoque. What a good running hull it is! I hope the new owner appreciates its lineage.
    Everything he does wrong with my old boat they think it's me, we met before, I know Bruce real well.


  8. #8
    So truly spoken.

    What a man wont spend or give up to give his ass a ride.

  9. #9
    That was the old Super V-10 Velocity
    Yep, make no mistake, I loved that old boat! Nice and Loud!
    Attached Images Attached Images

  10. #10
    hey T-Man, what's up with that V-10 Velocity with the Fountain beak on it?

    good to hear from you Joe, are you going to go to the banquet in feburary?

    who am I?

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