PhantomChaos

Caught for speeding
The cop got out of his car and the kid he had stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Stuck under a bridge
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up
that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.

The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver,
puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Don't mess with these ladies
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Too Late
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.

"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife," said the man.

Aqua-Holic

"No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Uncle Toys

[QUOTE]Originally posted by PhantomChaos
[B]Caught for speeding
The cop got out of his car and the kid he had stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

"Allright pal, where's the fire?" the cop said.
The kid replied, "In your eyes officer!"

Rambunctious

When pulled over by a cop for drunk driving the cop asked the driver why he was behind the wheel in such a condition.

the drunk replied:

" good thing I had my keys!!!! I could have never walked home in this condition!!"

SpectreBoy

My ex had red hair, and when she got pulled over one time for running a red/yellow light, she denied it and the cop said, it was as red as your hair and she said no it was as yellow as your teeth.

she always noticed that kinda stuff, cause she worked for a dentist.



Got pulled over one day after passing a cop going the other way,
he turned around and gassed on it so I did too, after a bout 3 miles he caught me and said I know you saw me turn around, why did you speed up?..............I told him my wife ran off with a state trooper and I was afraid he was bringing her back.

Rambunctious

these are two honest to goodness replies by my wife. I've been dying for the opportunity to bring them up

when she was sat down by her boss on a particularly testy day her boss said to her

" now you know there is no "I" in team.

her reply.... " I know.. but there is "ME" !!!!

when given a hard time by men in her closings ( she is an escrow agent - makes you sign your life a way to get your mortgage)

she will say:

" I may be as young as your daughter, but I'm as *****y as your wife, so sit down and sign this!!"

SpectreBoy

Told all my friends in front of my new wife that I wore the pants in this family, and then she told em that was true but, she controlled the zipper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sydwayz

iTrader: (1)

"Hi everyone, I would like for you all to meet my first wife."

(Think about that one for a second.)

D_Casten

Officer asked to see my driver’s license and registration. I looked in that glove box for 20 minutes before I realized I was sitting in his car!!!!

Rambunctious

during an argument I told my wife that I wore the pants in this family.

she handed me a pair of jeans and said, "ok........"

I told her I couldn't get in her pants.

and she said : " and with your attitude, you never will"