puder

who better to ask then you'all! Its been a while and i've kept it off the broad for months but i am at my wits end.



I dated my ex (kate) for 4 years. She graduated college and moved home (back to NY) at the begining of the summer. Long story short we broke up about a month later. Basically becasue I no longer drink and she still loves to party and lul around in "posh NYC bars". Unfortunatly the pretention of the NYC posh bar scene makes me want to just about vomit. Regaurdless we're over we are in different places. Here's the rub.

I think she realized that perhaps she made a mistake or maybe her new little posse aren't the greatest people after all. She has been calling me on and off for the passed few month anyway. BUT the calls are getting more frequent and she seems liek she wants me back. Should i try to be her friend (we won't work as a couple that for damn sure) or tell her to piss off and stay out of my life? I loved her dearly and we broke up on good terms (the drinking crap was the only major issue) which makes it even harder especially since i still harbour some pretty significant feelings for her.

lemme hear what you have to say. Serious advice only please.

cig1988

I would try once more with caution. BUT, lay down the rules from the get-go. 3 strikes, she's out! That is if you really still have feelings for her. If not, %^$k it!

East Coast B

My theory in life... never burn bridges!! Unless given no other choice... So if she hasn't cheated on you... Screwed you in some malicious manner.... why burn the bridge... specially when it sounds like you still care about the person..... No reason why you can't determine what is important to you life, live that life and if she fits into it as a friend or girlfriend... then great.... It didn't hit me until a little later in life that I need to move forward every day with what is important to me and find someone who fits into my description of what life is. I've been happy ever since... She and I are best friends.... dating 4 years now..... and it still seems fresh as the first month..... For me it's being responsible day to day and boating boating boating..... She loves boats and the water.... Neither of us has kids.... What a match!!! Do what you want to do and if she doesn't fit that life.... then she's not the one for you.... Not enjoying the bar scene..... I can relate with you..... Give me a good sand bar!!!! Good luck to you....

Shah Mat

If you truly believe you will never be a couple again then get on with your life. Being friends is very hard when you were together that long. But don't tell her to piss off and get out of your life. You should treat your relationship with her now like you would an acquaintance. Be nice to her and expect the same in return. Soon you both will start dating, and that gets ugly if you try to be friends.
Now, if you still think the two of you will work things out someday.......well thats a tough road to take.

Good Luck,
Joey

Laveyman

You cannot change a leopard's spots. Don't let the door hit her where the dog shoulda bit her! Just my freshly divorced .02

JUSTONCE

I wouldn't push it either way, the way I see it whatever happens will work out. Everything happens for a reason. I am going through the similar thing right now only kind of reversed my girlfriend wants more committment (ring, house etc.) I love her and am committed to her but am not ready for that step yet. when I am finally ready I'm sure we'd make a great couple. Unfortunately we are at different points in our lives, hardest thing in the world cause you know you could be together it just seems like it never fits right.I still like going out with my friends, she doesn't. I tell her give me time and I'll be ready, she doesn't think I ever want to settle down, so if It helps to maybe see things from her point of view I'm sure she loves you very much but isn't sure if shes at the right point in her life yet. If it feels right when your together "ride it out." good luck.
Martin.

PhantomChaos

Puder........go get the book "Mars and Venus on a Date" and read it, then you can figure it out.

RumRunner

The friends deal ONLY works if you're BOTH over it and of the opinion that you can't be together. Now bunk buddies that's another story all together.

From personel experience I was real close with one of my ex's would even go out with her on double dates, she was like a best friend, but the women I dated for the most part didn't like it. It stoped being a major problem when I left L.I.


Good Luck

Shane

Puder,

Lot's of good advice here. I am of the same mindset about the bar scene as you. It can be VERY HARD when your significant other thinks differently. Therefore, if you want to try it, I would make sure she understands COMPLETELY where you are coming from and that is the life style you have chosen. If she chooses otherwise, that is okay, but then you two just will not work out as a couple. Stay friends either way. You may need to take some time without seeing or speaking to one another to fully get over each other, but in the long run you will be happier that you stayed friends. If she finds that being with yo is more important to her than the bar scene and she is not resenting you for it but is enjoying you because of it, then it's all good! Best of luck and I commend you for thinking it through and not just reacting.

25 Eagle

Sometimes ya gotta change your playgrounds, playmates, and playthings.