Offshoreonly.com - Football differences

I cant speak for the northern point of view and am no way the author of this e-mail but, as for the southern view it is the most correct, as for I have lived it in my short 37 yrs of every fall Saturday listning watching or attending and really was laughing at the passion of my daddys generation and how it was passed on to us. I hope no offense is taken. Go Dawgs

jrocket

:D Differences between Northern and Southern Football

FOOTBALL IN THE NORTH AND IN THE SOUTH

Women's Accessories For The Big Game:

NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money is not necessary...that's what dates are for.

Stadium Size:

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Fathers:

NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.

SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Campus Decor:

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:

NORTH: Also a physics major.

SOUTH: Also Miss America.

Heroes:

NORTH: Rudy Guliani

SOUTH: Archie & Peyton Manning

Getting Tickets:

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.

SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on Campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.

SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung-over students that might actually make it to class.

Parking:

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game
parking.

SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the
weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over
where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave
to the
idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from
their
campus.

Tailgating:

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews'Band," who comes over during breaks and ask for a hit off the bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.

SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

Concessions:

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When National Anthem is Played:

NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand
.

SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part
harmony.

The Smell in the Air After the First Score:

NORTH: Nothing changes.

SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

Commentary (Male):

NORTH: "Nice play."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sum***** - tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary (Female):

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sum***** - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers:

NORTH: Neutral and paid.

SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.

SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's game.

Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football