Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed
away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he
have any last requests?"

She says, "Aye, That he did, Father..."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"

She says, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that damn gun...'"


Mahoney said to his friend McMaken, "I haven't been feelin' meself

"Tis a good thing, too - that was a nasty habit you had!" responded McMaken.