Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby.
Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they
arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's
family to come over and see their new baby.
Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise
crack to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk
with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors.
He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want
you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears,
or I'm really going to spank your butt when we get back home."
"I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny.
At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched
the baby's hand. He looked at it's mother and said, "Oh, what a
beautiful little baby!"
The mother, who had braced herself for Johnny's comment, was
pleasantly surprised and said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny."
He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little
feet. Why, just look at his pretty little eyes!
Did his doctor say he can see good?"
The mother said a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why, yes ... his
doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a good thing, cause he sure as hell
can't wear glasses."
Your not right
You can never have too much horsepower or money...It's just hard to have both.
Little Johnny's in school and the teacher asks today we will have an exercise; I need you to give me a phrase with the word beautiful twice in it.
All the little kids hands go up in the air, "Mary" go ahead, says the teacher.
"We were out at noon and saw some beautiful clouds," says Mary.
"Well that's an excellent phrase however you only used the word beautiful once in it." Says the teacher, after this a couple hands go down in the class.
"Paul go ahead," the teacher says.
"We went to the zoo yesterday and saw some beautiful giraffes" says Paul.
"Again that's an excellent phrase however you only used the word beautiful once in it also." Says the teacher, after this all hands go down except for Johnny in the back of the class who's hand has been up in anticipation during this whole exercise. The teacher finally calls on Johnny after hesitating a little knowing how unpredictable Johnny can be with his words.
Johnny gets up looks at the teacher and says:
"Well mam!! My sister came home yesterday told my father she was pregnant my father looked at her and said Beautiful fuc%&g beautiful"
Member of the Liquid Jungle
A little later that day in class the teacher asks to make a phrase with the word "contagious" in it, none of the kids knows what that means except for Johnny at the back of the class with his hand up filled with eagerness because no other classmates can produce a phrase and he knows he will be asked.
"Go ahead Johnny" the teacher says again with apprehension.
"Well mam! We were driving around yesterday me and my dad, we saw this woman up in a ladder painting the side of her house with a brush and a bucket of paint. My father looked at me and said, It's gone a take that "cu%t ages" before she's done painting that f&*^g house"
(What you see, is what you get!)
"Live every day to it's fullest for you give a day of your life to it."
Dirty Johnny was in history class one day when the teacher said today class I'm going to recite a famous qoute and whoever identifies who said it will get an M&M. First who said "I cannot tell a lie"? The only kid with his hand up was littlt Fuji Yakamoto who ansered George Washington. The teacher said very good Fuji. Heres your M&M. Then she asked Who said "Four score and seven years ago"? Again Fuji was the only one with his hand up and ansered "Abe Lincoln" and recived his M&M. The teacher said OK class one more. Who said "Ask not what your country can do for you"? Again Fuji was the only one to raise his hand. The teacher said "I'm asshamed of you children. The only one to know all of these quotes is Fuji, and he's Japanise." to which one of the children replied F**K THE JAPANISE! The teacher imideatly demanded "Who said that" to which Johnny said "Douglas McCartur. Gimmie my damn M&M"!
LOL, quite a few of these are starting to accumulate.
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