If this is your first visit, please click the Sign Up now button to begin the process of creating your account so you can begin posting on our forums! The Sign Up process will only take up about a minute of two of your time.

Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter
Results 1 to 4 of 4
  1. #1
    Registered Wardey's Avatar
    My Boats:
    2005 Extreme 29
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Palm Harbor, FL

    New policy to get into Heaven....

    >>It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
    >>the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into
    >>Heaven, you had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The
    >>policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
    >>The next day at 12:01 pm, the first person came to the gates of
    >>Heaven.The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly
    >>said to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your
    >>day was going when you died."
    >>"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on
    >>my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. She appeared to be having
    >>an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began
    >>searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire
    >>apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out
    >>onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by
    >>fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony
    >>and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you
    >>know it,
    >>he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die.
    >>pissed me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first
    >>thing I
    >>could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I
    >>of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony,
    >>and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The
    >>excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and
    >>died almost instantly."
    >>The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have
    >>a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK,
    >>sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
    >>A few seconds later the next guy came up. The Angel said, "Before I
    >>can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you
    >>"No problem," said the second man. "But you're not going to believe
    >>this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily
    >>exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing
    >>hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away,
    >>slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to
    >>catch myself by the
    >>fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man
    >>running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my
    >>fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom
    >>which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face
    up on the ground, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see this
    guy push his REFRIGERATOR, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the
    25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."

    >>The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his
    >>story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.
    >>"Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,"
    >>and he lets the man enter.
    >>A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel says,
    >>"Please tell me how you died."
    >>The third man says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, hiding inside a

  2. #2
    OSO Moderator Charter Member SpeedGirl's Avatar
    My Boats:
    Avanti & Formula 280SS
    Join Date
    Sep 2000
    New York

    Bad behavior

    One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."

    God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.

    When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true.
    The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good."

    God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were
    good, because He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them keep going.

    Do you know what that E-mail said?


    I didn't get one either.
    You are judged by the company you keep!

  3. #3
    Registered Wardey's Avatar
    My Boats:
    2005 Extreme 29
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Palm Harbor, FL
    Come on Speed Girl, you could never be bad.....Wardey

  4. #4
    Registered florida gator's Avatar
    My Boats:
    1996 Wellcraft Scarab Sport & 1990 Donzi GT210
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Clearwater, Florida
    to both.

Similar Threads

  1. Bob Z would be in heaven
    By MarkSmith in forum Northern Illinois Offshore Club
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 02-14-2006, 04:32 PM
  2. Stairway to Heaven
    By docmanrich37 in forum General Boating Discussion
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 01-17-2006, 09:08 PM
  3. I want you to go to Heaven also...
    By computerroom in forum Poker Runs and Boating Events
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 11-12-2004, 05:01 PM
  4. OT - Heaven?
    By Clay Washington in forum General Boating Discussion
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-18-2003, 04:02 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:10 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.0
Copyright © 2016 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.1
Original Poster In Postbit provided by Original Poster In Postbit v1.0.0 (Free) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2016 DragonByte Technologies Ltd. Runs best on HiVelocity Hosting.
Copyright 2011 OffShoreOnly. All rights reserved.