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  1. #1
    Registered Shorgasm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    On the back of a chicks M3..If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair!!

    You guys are gonna love this.........Cybersex.

    bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
    BritneySpears14: Aight.
    bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
    BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
    bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
    BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
    bloodninja: Me too baby.
    BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
    bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
    BritneySpears14: Hey...
    bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
    BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
    bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
    BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
    bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me *****, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
    bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
    BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
    bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
    bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
    bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
    bloodninja: Baby?

    Yeah it was pretty sweet

  2. #2
    Registered Shorgasm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    On the back of a chicks M3..If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair!!
    How about another.......
    This one was good.

    bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
    j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
    bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
    j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
    j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
    bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
    j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
    j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
    bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
    j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
    bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
    j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
    bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
    bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
    j_gurli3: thats it.
    bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
    bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now

  3. #3
    Registered Shorgasm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    On the back of a chicks M3..If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair!!
    This kinda sucked.

    BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
    eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
    BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
    eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
    BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
    BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
    eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
    BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
    eminemBNJA: Oh ****
    BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
    eminemBNJA: Oh ****
    eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

  4. #4
    Registered Shorgasm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    On the back of a chicks M3..If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair!!
    I know you can't stand any more so here ya go.....
    Ew this chick was nasty. Yeeeeaah.

    bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
    Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
    bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
    Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
    bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
    bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
    Katie_007: is that it?
    bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
    bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
    Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
    bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.
    bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
    Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
    bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
    bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this **** is HOTT.
    Katie_007: ...
    bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
    Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
    bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
    Katie_007: whatever

  5. #5
    Registered Shorgasm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    On the back of a chicks M3..If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair!!
    One for the OLD GUYS......
    Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

    Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high
    heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements
    are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

    Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on
    a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also
    wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from smells funny.

    Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

    Wellhung: OK

    Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the
    stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into
    your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and
    begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

    Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

    Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

    Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

    Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

    Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

    Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk
    slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and

    Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a
    hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

    Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

    Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

    Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft
    breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

    Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck.
    Do you have any scissors?

    Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back
    undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my
    breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

    Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting
    the clasp.

    Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your
    tongue all over me.

    Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
    breasts. They're neat!

    Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm
    nibbling your ear.

    Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and

    Sweetheart: What?

    Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

    Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of
    my blouse.

    Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with
    a plop.

    Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your
    hard tool.

    Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

    Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

    Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over,
    in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

    Sweetheart: What's the matter?

    Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

    Sweetheart: Are you OK?

    Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

    Sweetheart: Can I help?

    Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling
    through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

    Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

    Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

    Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

    Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

    Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

    Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet.
    And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost.
    Where's the bedroom?

    Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

    Wellhung: I found it.

    Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so

    Wellhung: Me too.

    Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked
    bodies pressing each other.

    Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

    Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

    Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the
    glasses on the night table.

    Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

    Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room
    and toward the bathroom.

    Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

    Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for
    the toilet. I lift the lid.

    Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

    Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle,
    but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

    Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

    Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.
    Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my

    Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

    Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put know know...woman's thing.

    Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

    Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss
    your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

    Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand
    it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

    Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

    Sweetheart: What?

    Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

    Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look
    on my face.

    Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all
    floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

    Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my
    underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

    Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table.
    I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,
    picture frames and your candles.

    Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

    Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of
    our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing
    at it, a shocked look on my face.

    Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

    Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

    Sweetheart: <logged off>

  6. #6
    Registered Shorgasm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    On the back of a chicks M3..If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair!!
    I can't help it one more.....
    this is also a classic

    Girl: Hi
    Boy: hello
    Boy: who is this?
    Girl: just a someone?
    Boy: A someone I know?
    Girl: nope
    Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
    Girl: well sorrrrrry
    Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
    Boy: why?
    Girl: nevermind your an *******
    Boy: Hey wait a minute
    Girl: yes?
    Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
    Girl: paranoid?
    Boy: yes
    Girl: of what?
    Girl: me?
    Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
    Girl: LOL
    Boy: Don't ******* laugh at me!
    Boy: This **** is serious!
    Girl: What are you hiding from?
    Boy: The cops.
    Girl: gimme a ******* break
    Boy: I'm serious.
    Girl: I don't get it
    Boy: The cops are after me.
    Girl: For what?
    Boy: I'm wanted in three states
    Girl: For???
    Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
    Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
    Boy: Hello?
    Girl: You are ******* sick.
    Boy: Send me your picture.
    Girl: why?
    Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
    Girl: One of what?
    Boy: The cops.
    Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
    Boy: Then send me your picture.
    Girl: hold on
    Boy: Hurry up.
    Boy: Are you there?
    Boy: **** you, cop!
    Girl: Hey sorry
    Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
    Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
    Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
    Boy: Weren't you!?
    Girl: thats not it
    Boy: Then what?
    Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
    Boy: Most cops aren't
    Girl: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU DICKHEAD!
    Boy: Then send me the picture.
    Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
    Boy: Just send it through here.
    Girl: alright *PIC*
    Girl: Did you get it?
    Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
    Girl: That was me back in may
    Girl: I've lost weight since then.
    Boy: I hope so
    Girl: what?!?
    Girl: that hurt my feelings.
    Boy: Did it?
    Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
    Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
    Girl: yes
    Boy: Alright let me find it.
    Girl: kks
    Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
    Girl: this isn't you.
    Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
    Girl: You don't look like that.
    Boy: How the hell do you know?
    Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
    Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
    Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
    Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
    Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
    Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
    Girl: Go **** yourself
    Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
    Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
    Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
    Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
    Girl: you hurt me.
    Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
    Girl: I thought you were bull****ting me!
    Boy: Why would I do that?
    Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
    Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
    Girl: FUC YOU!!!
    Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
    Girl: You're a ******* *******.
    Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
    Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
    Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
    Girl: No you aren't
    Boy: You're right. I'm not.
    Boy: HAARRRRR!
    Girl: I'm done with you
    Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
    Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
    Boy: Wait a sec
    Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
    Boy: Wanna start over?
    Girl: No
    Boy: I'll eat your *****
    Girl: You'll what?
    Boy: You heard me.
    Boy: I said I'd eat your *****.
    Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
    Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your *****?
    Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
    Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
    Boy: I get excited in different ways.
    Girl: Like what?
    Boy: Do you really wanna know?
    Girl: I don't know
    Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
    Girl: I'm afraid to
    Boy: Why?
    Girl: cause
    Boy: cause why?
    Girl: well lets see
    Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
    Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
    Boy: Nope
    Girl: well its strange to me
    Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
    Girl: I didn't say that
    Boy: So is that a yes?
    Girl: I guess so.
    Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
    Boy: Are you willing?
    Girl: What do you need me to do?
    Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
    Girl: ???
    Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
    Boy: ok?
    Boy: Hello?
    Girl: You can't be serious
    Boy: Oh yes I am!
    Boy: It's my fantasy.
    Girl: this is retarded
    Boy: Do you want it or not?
    Girl: Yes I want it.
    Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
    Girl: sure
    Boy: Ok. Here we go.
    Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
    Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
    Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet *****.
    Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
    Girl: mmmm yeah
    Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
    Girl: Har
    Boy: You gotta do better than that!
    Boy: Your picture was really bad.
    Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your ***** get more moist with every stroke.
    Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
    Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
    Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
    Girl: mmmmmm you are good
    Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
    Boy: going limp
    Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
    Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
    Boy: going limp
    Girl: this is stupid
    Boy: ...still limp
    Boy: Do it!
    Boy: I turn you around to lick your *******.
    Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
    Boy: I see **** nuggets hanging from the hair around your *******.
    Girl: WTF?!?!?
    Boy: They stink really bad.
    Girl: OMG STOP!!!
    Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
    Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
    Boy: I ram it up your ass.
    Girl: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
    Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
    Boy: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
    Boy: I kick you in the face!
    Girl: **** YOU *******!!
    Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
    Boy: Your parrot flys away.
    Boy: ...going limp again.
    Boy: Hello?
    Boy: Say it!
    Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
    go back

  7. #7
    Platinum Member Platinum Member CigDaze's Avatar
    My Boats:
    Cigarette 35 Cafe Racer
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    St. Petersburg, FL
    And I wonder why I never liked to chat???

    I must say, though, that is some funny ****!!!
    #5 is hilarious!!!

    "...Oh ****, I think I pissed in your hamper..." LMAO

  8. #8
    Registered TEAMBAJA's Avatar
    My Boats:
    24 OUTLAW
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Bucyrus, Ohio
    Im betting $10 that Shorgasm is behind every one of these!

  9. #9
    Registered JUSTONCE's Avatar
    My Boats:
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    tropical Cleveland OH
    the last two have me ROTFLMMFAO

  10. #10
    Registered Shorgasm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    On the back of a chicks M3..If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair!!

    This one's for HyperBaja........

    TheDude00882: What are you wearing?
    sw_milf: Oooh.. I'm wearing a wet papertowel and a smile.. What are you wearing?
    TheDude00882: Mmmm.. I'm wearing a sexy loose outfit I got for my birthday.
    TheDude00882: I slowly unbutton my shirt, exposing my manly chest hair,
    sw_milf: What color is this shirt?
    TheDude00882: Uh, it's a blue tommy hilfiger.
    TheDude00882: Why?
    sw_milf: Tom, you should be in bed.
    TheDude00882: Mom?
    sw_milf: Get off the computer now.
    TheDude00882: ****

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