Fourteen Things That Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn
 

FOURTEEN THINGS THAT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
by Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

Wild Thing... Good one.. It's happened to me too.. Pretty embarrasing.

#3
I am not mentally ill,
I am not mentally ill,
I am not mentally ill...

:D

Thank you!! I really needed that this morning. --- Jer

LMAO....:D

In 45years I have learned one thing
It is not the rest of the world it is MY fault:drool:

The one thing that took me 21 yrs and 1 night to learn....The bar will have more beer tomorrow, no need to drink the place dry tonight;) :rolleyes: :crazy:

Also has anyone ever given any any thought as to why they call it a moo moo.....:p

Isn't it obvious? :D:D:p:p

#5 is absolutely true..........Good stuff:D:D

12......I am a good driver...havent killed anyone yet and it has been almost 4 days!!