OSU vs MI This weekend!!
11-20-2003, 08:43 PM
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OSU vs MI This weekend!!
Ann Arbor News Report: Football practice in Ann Arbor was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Lloyd Carr, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Q. What did the Michigan graduate say to the Ohio State graduate?
>A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>It was reported that Michigan head football coach Lloyd Carr will only be dressing twenty players for the Ohio State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Did you hear that the University of Michigan library burned to the ground? All five books in the library were destroyed. The football team was very upset because they hadn't colored in two of them yet.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Q: How do you get a Michigan grad off of your front porch?
>A: Pay him for the pizza.
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor?
>A: Columbus: 187 Miles
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>The next one is the best one:
>Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Ohio State grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!" Seeing this the OSU grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Buckeyes!" and pushed the Wolverine off the side of the mountain.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Q: What does the average UM student get on his SAT?
>A: Drool
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Michigan joke?" The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Michigan grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6 ' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Michigan grad. The fella next to him is 6 ' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Michigan grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Q: Why doesn't Michigan sink into the great lakes?
>A: Because **** floats.
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>The Statue
>
>A Buckeye fan walks into a curio shop in German Village in Columbus. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
>
>"Twelve dollars for the rat, one thousand dollars for the story," said the owner.
>
>The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."
>
>As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him down the street. This was disconcerting; he began walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
>
>He began to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
>
>Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the Olentangy River and threw thebronze rat as far out into the river as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the river after it, and were all drowned.
>
>The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," said the owner, "You have come back for the story?"
>
>"No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze wolverine."
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
>
>"But I'm a Michigan graduate," the young man replied indignantly, "I even played football there!"
>
>"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Two University of Michigan football players were down on campus partying. They were hootin' and hollerin' when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating.
>
>The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took two months.
>
>"Two months!?" exclaimed the bartender. The Wolverine replied, "Yeah, but the box said 4-6 years."
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>I've just received word that there is a new addition to the Endangered species list:
>Michigan Alumni
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>A little boy and his mother were walking through a Michigan cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read:
>"Here lies a Michigan graduate and an honest man."
>
>The little boy asked, "Mommy, why did they bury 2 people in there?"
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>A Wolverine football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged it in time!
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are flying in a plane and it crashes.
>
>Tragically, Jim Tressel dies, oh and, so does Lloyd Carr. They both get to the pearly gates and St. Peter says "Come on in guys. I'll have some angels show you to your new places."
>
>Jim and Lloyd both go their separate ways and the angel taking Lloyd to his new place shows it to him. Fuming, Lloyd starts yelling, "What's with this? I get this little run-down leaky shack with broken windows and the paint peeling off the walls and Jim gets the huge mansion with golden gates and OSU flags waving everywhere! I demand a place just like his!"
>
>The angel, trying to calm Lloyd down says "Oh, that's not Jim's place. It's God's."
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Jim and Lloyd are walking down the beach talking about the new rivalry starting with Jim taking over as coach. As they're walking, Lloyd trips over something and almost breaks his leg. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp.
>
>"Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. Jim and Lloyd, both say that they did it. "You will each get one wish." said the genie. Lloyd offers to go first.
>
>"I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Michigan so that none of those stupid miscreants from Ohio will ever get a chance to get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high, and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace."
>
>The genie grants the wish to him and he is instantly whisked away to his new paradise.
>
>Jim says "Now fill it up with water."
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Q: How do you get a Michigan cheerleader into your dorm room?
>A: Grease her hips and push.
>
>Q: Why is ice no longer available at Michigan football games?
>A: The senior who knew the recipe graduated.
>
>Q: What are the longest 3 years of a Michigan football player's life?
>A: His freshman year.
>
>Q: Why did U of M replace the stadium grass with Astroturf?
>A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing during games.
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>***I love this one***
>
>Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
>
>He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
>
>God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael, look what I've made."
>
>Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
>
>"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth, and it's going to be a great place of balance."
>
>"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
>
>God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor. The Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people."
>
>God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in
>ice."
>
>The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small, lovely land mass and asked, "What's that one?"
>
>"Ohio," God replied, "the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and exquisite grasslands. The people from Ohio are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. They will be admired by all who come in contact with them."
>
>Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
>
>God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the loudmouth, whiny-ass, arrogant pissants I've put next to them in Michigan!"
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Q. What did the Michigan graduate say to the Ohio State graduate?
>A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>It was reported that Michigan head football coach Lloyd Carr will only be dressing twenty players for the Ohio State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Did you hear that the University of Michigan library burned to the ground? All five books in the library were destroyed. The football team was very upset because they hadn't colored in two of them yet.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Q: How do you get a Michigan grad off of your front porch?
>A: Pay him for the pizza.
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor?
>A: Columbus: 187 Miles
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>The next one is the best one:
>Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Ohio State grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!" Seeing this the OSU grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Buckeyes!" and pushed the Wolverine off the side of the mountain.
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Q: What does the average UM student get on his SAT?
>A: Drool
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Michigan joke?" The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Michigan grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6 ' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Michigan grad. The fella next to him is 6 ' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Michigan grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."
>
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Q: Why doesn't Michigan sink into the great lakes?
>A: Because **** floats.
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>The Statue
>
>A Buckeye fan walks into a curio shop in German Village in Columbus. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
>
>"Twelve dollars for the rat, one thousand dollars for the story," said the owner.
>
>The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."
>
>As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him down the street. This was disconcerting; he began walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
>
>He began to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
>
>Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the Olentangy River and threw thebronze rat as far out into the river as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the river after it, and were all drowned.
>
>The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," said the owner, "You have come back for the story?"
>
>"No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze wolverine."
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
>
>"But I'm a Michigan graduate," the young man replied indignantly, "I even played football there!"
>
>"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Two University of Michigan football players were down on campus partying. They were hootin' and hollerin' when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating.
>
>The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took two months.
>
>"Two months!?" exclaimed the bartender. The Wolverine replied, "Yeah, but the box said 4-6 years."
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>I've just received word that there is a new addition to the Endangered species list:
>Michigan Alumni
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>A little boy and his mother were walking through a Michigan cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read:
>"Here lies a Michigan graduate and an honest man."
>
>The little boy asked, "Mommy, why did they bury 2 people in there?"
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>A Wolverine football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged it in time!
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are flying in a plane and it crashes.
>
>Tragically, Jim Tressel dies, oh and, so does Lloyd Carr. They both get to the pearly gates and St. Peter says "Come on in guys. I'll have some angels show you to your new places."
>
>Jim and Lloyd both go their separate ways and the angel taking Lloyd to his new place shows it to him. Fuming, Lloyd starts yelling, "What's with this? I get this little run-down leaky shack with broken windows and the paint peeling off the walls and Jim gets the huge mansion with golden gates and OSU flags waving everywhere! I demand a place just like his!"
>
>The angel, trying to calm Lloyd down says "Oh, that's not Jim's place. It's God's."
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Jim and Lloyd are walking down the beach talking about the new rivalry starting with Jim taking over as coach. As they're walking, Lloyd trips over something and almost breaks his leg. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp.
>
>"Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. Jim and Lloyd, both say that they did it. "You will each get one wish." said the genie. Lloyd offers to go first.
>
>"I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Michigan so that none of those stupid miscreants from Ohio will ever get a chance to get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high, and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace."
>
>The genie grants the wish to him and he is instantly whisked away to his new paradise.
>
>Jim says "Now fill it up with water."
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Q: How do you get a Michigan cheerleader into your dorm room?
>A: Grease her hips and push.
>
>Q: Why is ice no longer available at Michigan football games?
>A: The senior who knew the recipe graduated.
>
>Q: What are the longest 3 years of a Michigan football player's life?
>A: His freshman year.
>
>Q: Why did U of M replace the stadium grass with Astroturf?
>A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing during games.
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>***I love this one***
>
>Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
>
>He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
>
>God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael, look what I've made."
>
>Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
>
>"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth, and it's going to be a great place of balance."
>
>"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
>
>God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor. The Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people."
>
>God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in
>ice."
>
>The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small, lovely land mass and asked, "What's that one?"
>
>"Ohio," God replied, "the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful lakes, rivers, streams and exquisite grasslands. The people from Ohio are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. They will be admired by all who come in contact with them."
>
>Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
>
>God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the loudmouth, whiny-ass, arrogant pissants I've put next to them in Michigan!"
11-21-2003, 05:33 AM
#2
Registered
Since I'm U of M alum I will have to comment... Those are good ones even though I've heard them all before.
It's too bad that after such a close call of a season that OSU will have to suffer the humiliation of getting spanked in the Big House tomorrow. Although that spanking almost came last week when the Wolfpack came for a visit. But then again, you guys are already accustomed to close calls since that's the 4th OT game this year for the Buckeyes... All kidding aside, it's a good thing that the state of Michigan still has the $.10 bottle and can deposits; I'm only glad that all the OSU students/alum/fans that can scrap together enough bottle return money to actually buy a ticket to the game, and get past border patrol, will have to endure the agony of the trip back to middle of nowhere when the Wolverines are victorious.
Good luck Buckeyes. Go Blue!
Hail to the Victors!
Good article:
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/column...irk&id=1666621
It's too bad that after such a close call of a season that OSU will have to suffer the humiliation of getting spanked in the Big House tomorrow. Although that spanking almost came last week when the Wolfpack came for a visit. But then again, you guys are already accustomed to close calls since that's the 4th OT game this year for the Buckeyes... All kidding aside, it's a good thing that the state of Michigan still has the $.10 bottle and can deposits; I'm only glad that all the OSU students/alum/fans that can scrap together enough bottle return money to actually buy a ticket to the game, and get past border patrol, will have to endure the agony of the trip back to middle of nowhere when the Wolverines are victorious.
Good luck Buckeyes. Go Blue!
Hail to the Victors!
Good article:
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/column...irk&id=1666621
11-21-2003, 05:45 AM
#3
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11-21-2003, 07:05 AM
#6
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I hate to say it, but OSU will get SMOKED this weekend in the big house especially if they can't score any offensive touchdowns. I was at the Purdue OSU game last weekend and the Boilers way outplayed them but the Luckeyes prevailed 16-13 in OT. Oh yeah, Michigan smoked Purdue 31-3 in the big house a few weeks ago.....It may be a blessing in disguise, because I sure wouldn't want to see a BIG 10 team get embarassed by Oklahoma...talk about blowout city.
11-21-2003, 08:08 AM
#8
Registered
Indy - you need a "big house" when you have so many victories and Big 10 championship trophy's to display 
Oh, and regarding your "again" comment. The "again" award would go to Michigan since they have won more than lost during the rivalry. Doooh!
Oh, and regarding your "again" comment. The "again" award would go to Michigan since they have won more than lost during the rivalry. Doooh!
11-21-2003, 08:20 AM
#10
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Originally posted by Vyper340
Indy - you need a "big house" when you have so many victories and Big 10 championship trophy's to display
Oh, and regarding your "again" comment. The "again" award would go to Michigan since they have won more than lost during the rivalry. Doooh!
Indy - you need a "big house" when you have so many victories and Big 10 championship trophy's to display
Oh, and regarding your "again" comment. The "again" award would go to Michigan since they have won more than lost during the rivalry. Doooh!
