Offshoreonly.com - OT-New Blonde Jokes!!!

At least I've never heard them.

AUTO REPAIR

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says,
What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he
could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get
your act together. Yesterday you take away my license and then today you
expect me to show it to you!"

EXPOSURE

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right
breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you
aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why, officer?"

"Because your breast is hanging out," he says. She looks down and says, "OH
MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another
blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the
other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
You ARE on the other side."

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights
and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and
yelled, PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said,
'We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was,
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She
thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of
yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at
the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes
out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the
answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails. Within half an hour she is
all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.

During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin,
muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what
is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my
answers."

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to
kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a
little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: I have kidnapped
your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in
the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde. She pinned the note inside
the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning,
she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big
oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note.

...Here is y our money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to
another!