O/T, Tuesday Humor II
01-20-2004, 11:21 AM
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O/T, Tuesday Humor II
SHE WAS SO BLONDE...
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She thought General Motors was in the army.
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
At the bottom of an application, where it says "sign here," she wrote Sagittarius.
SHE WAS SO BLONDE...
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
Under "education" on a job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
SHE WAS SO BLONDE...
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice because it said "concentrate."
She told me to meet her at the corner of "walk" and "don't walk."
She asked for a price check at the Everything For A Dollar Store.
SHE WAS SO BLONDE...
She studied for a blood test.
She sold her car for gas money.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that read "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
SHE WAS SO BLONDE...
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occurred around home, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
.....and finally
SHE WAS SOOOOOO BLONDE...
She had a shirt that said TGIF, which she thought stood for 'This Goes In Front'.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate us anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride.
"Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, Our marines could blow the **** out of him."
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She thought General Motors was in the army.
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
At the bottom of an application, where it says "sign here," she wrote Sagittarius.
SHE WAS SO BLONDE...
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
Under "education" on a job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
SHE WAS SO BLONDE...
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice because it said "concentrate."
She told me to meet her at the corner of "walk" and "don't walk."
She asked for a price check at the Everything For A Dollar Store.
SHE WAS SO BLONDE...
She studied for a blood test.
She sold her car for gas money.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that read "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
SHE WAS SO BLONDE...
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occurred around home, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
.....and finally
SHE WAS SOOOOOO BLONDE...
She had a shirt that said TGIF, which she thought stood for 'This Goes In Front'.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate us anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride.
"Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, Our marines could blow the **** out of him."
