The second that the States of Florida, Maryland, Virginia and the District of Columbia allow me to use the classifieds to sell myself hourly, I'm all in. How's this:

1970, 5'10" Litigator, twin degrees with relatively low hours, recent update done to intelligence, no mufflers on any exhaust holes, handles extremely well, very dependable and low maintenance costs, extended warranty available, best offer. 1-800-SHYSTER for more info.

OK with you?

You bet! Stecz cracks a$$ all the time.

only when i go to kevs house around the holidays. his family like to watch me crack nuts in my ass while we sit around the fire. Mr. Wonderful likes kevin too...

LOL

Thank you for the perfect legal definition. Pretty much exactly what I meant. I'm not sure HS meets the publics general standard of decency and I live in California where anything goes.

Hear anything about the New Jersey town that outlawed cursing in public? Now, whether you are for or against the right of freedom of speech, this cursing ban brings up a very interesting problem. Sooner or later, those enforcing the ban are going to run up against a little problem--- one which it will take a borough council meeting to straighten out. What constitutes cursing? Which words are banned? And how can the people of Raritan, New Jersey even come to an agreement on how to apply their cursing ban? They can't just sit around and make a list of banned words. They'll get arrested for cursing!

Now, I suppose most people will agree that (essword) and (effword) are curse words. But what if the cursers of Raritan just switch from (essword) to (c-word)? What if they, like Harry Truman, can be persuaded to use (m-word) instead of (essword)? Are those words going to be illegal? They certainly offend prudes just as much as (essword), particularly when they are clearly being used as substitutes for (essword). And what about those who switch from good old Anglo-Saxon words to the more socially acceptable Latinate substitutes? What if people start going around saying (excr-m-nt) or (b-w-l m-v-m-nt) whenever they'd normally say (essword) or (c-word)? Anyone want to claim that won't be considered obscene after awhile? Before long, people will be asked by their doctors to give poo-poo samples instead of (st--l) samples!

And what about saying (effword)? If people start saying, 'Aw, (s-x--l int-rc--rs-) instead, that will have to be banned, naturally. If they switch to euphemisms like (m-k- l-v-) or (d--ng th- w-ld th-ng), we've got them there, too. But if people aren't permitted to mention the concept of (s-x), how are they going to get any? Well, the cursing ban may make the human race go extinct, but at least we'll go with a clean mouth.

Every kid knows that if you drop a hot iron on your foot and yell (d-word) it to (h-word), you are cursing. If you don't put (d-word) and (h-word) on the banned list, it won't be a real cursing ban. But what about the theological use of those words? What if ministers start hanging around streetcorners arguing whether (h-word) is real, or whether all unbelievers will be (d-word)ed? You'll have to arrest them! Of course, many on the Religious Right don't consider sentences like 'You're going to (h-word)' or 'All Catholics will be (d-word)ed for idolatry' to be an offensive use of the words. It's not like they're cussing at some poor innocent steam-iron, after all. But if you want to ban cursing, you can afford to leave any loopholes.

What about minced oaths? My seventh grade teacher a Christian Reformed parochial school was very clear on that point. Saying (h-ck) or (d-rn) is every bit as bad as saying (h-word) or (d-word). Two more words for the list!

And what about the heart of American cursing, taking the name of the (L-rd) in vain? People say (J-s-s Chr-st) or oh, (G-d) all the time! We'll have to stop that. Of course, we can't let those nasty cursers get away with claiming, when they take the name of the (L-rd) in vain, that they're really just praying. And of course, don't forget to ban the related minced oaths, like (g-sh) or (g-lly) or (j--z). Of course, out of fairness to the (Chr-st)ians who can no longer talk about their religion in public, we'll have to ban all religious words which might be misused, such as (Kr-shn-) and (All-h).

Of course, the people who instituted the ban won't go that far. They're not all that concerned about cursing at heart, after all, people cursed all the time when the senior citizens of Raritan were young, too. What they really want to stop is teens and young adults cursing, and listening to music that senior citizens don't like, and wearing clothes that weren't in style when senior citizens were young. And so, in small towns when seniors are in a majority, you have bans on cursing, campaigns against 'Satanic' modern music, and anti-gang expects who claim any article of clothing an under-30-year-old will voluntarily wear is gang-related. You have cops who respond to teens playing loud rock but not seniors playing loud polkas. You have people claiming the world is coming to an end because a group of teens stand on a sidewalk talking to their friends and don't move out of the way of a senior citizen until they actually see that senior citizen!

The cursing ban in Raritan may well stop some cursing in Raritan. Teens and young adults who might have stayed in town and contributed their talents to the community will find the puritanical atmosphere too oppressive and leave. But cursing will live on forever, even if there were some way to magically prevent people from using 'those words'. It's a natural instinct for people to use some form of strong language to express strong feelings, and it's equally naturally that people who are incapable of strong feelings and think 'not very nice' is the strongest expression anyone needs to use will be offended. While it may enrich the English language to have people running around saying, oh, effword! as well as the more traditional oh, (effword), it ain't gonna change human nature any as far as I can see.

© Nissa Annakindt 1995

Troy revives law to punish cursing
Enforcement issues remain for using anti-cussing ordinance

By Joel Kurth / The Detroit News

TROY -- Gosh-darnit and fiddle-sticks: Potty-mouths with a penchant for blue streaks had better curb their tongues in Troy.
Despite questions of enforcement and constitutionality, city leaders here recently revived an ordinance that makes cursing in public a misdemeanor punishable by up to 90 days in jail and $500 fines.
City Council members said the cussing crackdown probably is necessary, but a few acknowledge they may have to clean up their own acts.
"I voted for it, but thought 'Oh, my gosh. I'm going to have to watch it,' " Mayor Jeanne Stine admitted. "This is something that may be useful and enforced if there's a blatant ignoring of the law, but I don't imagine it."
The yuks notwithstanding, public obscenity has remained an issue since 1998, when an Arenac County deputy cited a tart-tongued canoeist with a 1897 state law that prohibits cursing in front of children.
Two judges already have upheld the law and misdemeanor conviction of Timothy Boomer of Roseville. The American Civil Liberties Union is taking the case to the Michigan Court of Appeals. First Amendment activists maintain similar laws violate free speech rights.
Troy attorney John Martin said the city's ordinance passes constitutional muster and could prove handy. Troy leaders brought back the unenforced law while reviewing 45-year-old ordinances about indecent conduct.
"We wanted to have it," Martin said. "It will be prosecuted very rarely, but there are instances where it may be necessary."
Officials struck down prohibitions on "annoying conduct," bathing suits that show too much skin and candy that resembles pills. Leaders kept misdemeanor bans on spitting in buses, tampering with drinking fountains and peeping in windows without permission.
Spitting on the sidewalk, for years a little-known crime, is now legal.
Councilman Anthony Pallotta defended the language police, but acknowledged a litany of logistical and linguistic hurdles. The ordinance bans "vile, profane or obscene language," but doesn't define it.
"I don't understand Chinese. I don't understand Russian," Pallotta said. "Someone could tell me to s---w myself. I'd probably smile and say 'thank you,' because I don't know what the hell they're saying. Is that a crime?"
Martin said he doesn't know if Troy ever has prosecuted anyone for cussing. Stine said police won't keep out an eager ear for dirty talk.

You can reach Joel Kurth at (313) 222-2192 or [email protected].

Local News


Tuesday, Oct. 13, 1998
Sound Off!
Curse of the marina-mouths: Ignore 'em, scrub 'em

Readers react to story about city's plans for language ordinance
Under a proposed city ordinance, a marina leaseholder could lose his lease for cursing in public. On Monday, we asked Caller-Times readers what they thought the appropriate punishment should be for a leaseholder caught cursing. Proposed punishments ranged from nothing - saying cursing is free speech - to fines or washing out mouths with salt water.
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There's nothing wrong with cursing. It's under our rights, we have the freedom of speech. I don't think there should be any punishment.
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I think if they curse in public they need to be fined $25 or $50, and if that don't stop it they need to go to court.
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I support the ordinance. It's time we took back decency in our land. We also need one for restaurants, theaters and anywhere else the general public gathers. I'm tired of hearing cursing everywhere I go with my family. And in this day and age no one does anything about it. So I support any attempt to cut down on indecent language, wherever it is.
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Wash their mouths with salt water.
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What is considered cursing? The renter, Julie Quick, who complained about cursing, cursed herself in the quotes used in the Caller-Times.
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Cursing and vulgar language is a sign of ignorance and limited vocabulary. These people should be enrolled in school.
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I believe that the proper punishment is to attend a God-fearing and Jesus-believing church and to read the Bible for three months, or read the Bible for the rest of their lives.
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These foul-mouth creatures should be publicly flogged, but that's probably not practical. They should lose their lease and be moved out of the marina. 
I found it very amusing that the slip renter, when asked her opinion of the proposed cursing ordinance, used a curse word in her response. Maybe she should also be banned from the marina for a year.
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Unless the marina lease holders are holding the offending parties hostages, what's wrong with having the people who are offended walk off? This is another ridiculous (thing) that this city is focusing on instead of real problems.
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What a bunch of lily-livered yuppies, spoiled and scared to death of little American things like liberty and freedom of speech. Oh, you may go on about how this is about upscale boat owners too, but it seems to me that it's turned on a class bias being used against the shrimpers.
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I have a boat in Port Isabel that I had thought I would bring to this marina. I don't think there's a prayer that I would put it there now.
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Well, with all the cursing you have on television what's the point? I think that if you're gonna do something like that you need to get them for public intoxication if they're out there drinking and driving a boat and cursing at folks. You need to get a police officer down there and just bring them in if they're intoxicated. Just throw them in the clink for a couple days - that'll cure 'em for a while. But the city marina is hurt enough without putting more rules. It doesn't make a whole lot of difference when you have all the cursing on TV. It's nationwide. Why just put it all on the marina? You ought to check the schools and see how those kids talk. They're worse than sailors.
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First, I'm against trying to change it. The city will not enforce these kids going around with these boom boxes in cars that you hear a block and a half away. They have an ordinance to stop it, but they won't enforce it. And how do you go about stopping someone for a slip of the tongue? You end up with she said this and she said that. Do you take them at their word or will a law enforcement officer have to be there?
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I find it really strange that now the marina people are worried, when parents all over this city have been complaining about the actions of people in the city parks. This is what our little children put up with when they go to the city parks, but no, it's the marina tenants that are going to get some attention. What kind of punishment? How about the punishment that's already on the books, such as inappropriate language, public intoxication? You know the marina people wouldn't have to worry about this, or the parents, if the police would enforce the law. Thanks for caring about the marina - when will you care about the children in the city parks?

wow your fingers must be tired....