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  1. #1
    Registered Wardey's Avatar
    My Boats:
    2005 Extreme 29
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Palm Harbor, FL

    Real Men of the World !!!!

    Okay folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't
    stand any more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate
    men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign
    concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual,
    bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and
    purple-sexual -- bogus definitions have taken over the urban and
    suburban world!

    Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your ass, belch, and yell

    I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars,
    the Retrosexual movement.

    The Code

    * A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

    * A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit
    that term only because they are female.

    * A Retrosexual DEALS with IT; be it a flat tire, break-in into your
    home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

    * A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

    * A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how
    long you live, it's how you live the time you have.

    * A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman.
    Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need
    a duffel bag (possibly a shaving kit).

    * A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when
    he's 30 years old.

    * A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people)
    if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The

    * A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

    * A Retrosexual does not let neighbors f^&k up rooms
    in his house on national TV.

    * A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of
    manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention
    of yourself will only lead to you becoming a frou-frou little pu$$y,
    and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

    * A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major
    mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire
    family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports teams being
    moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are
    NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough
    attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed
    up, he DEALT with your sorry ass. DEAL WITH IT.

    * A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe
    designed to conceal himself from prey.

    * A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a
    tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot.

    * A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can
    brag about getting.

    * A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't
    hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you
    can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.

    * A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you're
    riddled with fear. Guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL
    WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot at $hit.

    * Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry,
    and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or
    soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but
    the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote
    control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not
    limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count
    as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

    * A Retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan"
    (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub
    of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood."
    Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless
    Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty
    The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, the Die Hard series,
    Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond
    movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now,
    Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, Fight Club, etc.

    * When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train,
    and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual
    stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the
    other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks"
    look on his face.

    * A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with
    the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words
    to the Star Spangled Banner.

    * A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother
    do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that
    they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when
    married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship; i.e., hunting,
    boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

    * A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and
    kitchen utensils.

    * A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without
    sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without
    high-centering his ride on a plow berm.

    * A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land
    where he wants. Even if wherever it lands is where he damn well
    wanted it to land.

    * A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any
    women but any elderly person or person in military dress
    (except officers above second lieutenant).
    NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer
    but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them
    *and* thank them for serving their country.

    * A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake
    is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if
    circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

    * A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone
    when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand
    that sometimes in the process of doing things, we get hurt and we
    just DEAL WITH IT.

    * A Retrosexual American man believes that, while not infallible, his country
    is, without a doubt, the fairest place in the world. He will stand by his country
    and his way of life, and not allow a bunch of international(ist), left-leaning weenies to
    dictate how his country should act. Nor should he ever negotiate with THUGS.
    See above and DEAL WITH THEM. (Added SG 04/15/2004)

  2. #2
    Banned cuda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Deland, Florida
    Sign me up Dave, it seems I've always been one and just didn't know it.

  3. #3
    Registered buck183's Avatar
    My Boats:
    1989 Cigarette Bullet
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Siloam Springs, Ar.
    Sniff Sniff......



  4. #4
    Registered Formula Outlaw's Avatar
    My Boats:
    was a 89" Formula 311-SR1
    Join Date
    May 2003
    In the Mountains
    I'm in, I fit all the above mentioned criteria however I never learned to tie a necktie and I won't learn now. Have no reason to learn. If I need to wear a tie, I go buy one, have the sales idiot (who is a "new style" man) tie it for me, take it off his rubber head, and then I will slip it over my head at the required time, then throw the damn thing away.

    As far as movies goes, a real man's favorite scene is when Clint reverses both pistols he is handing over and blows both the trappers to hell in "the Outlaw Josie Wales" my favorite all time movie, second only to "Harry".

    Real men go to hockey games for the fights.

    Real men NEVER EVER watch figure skating.

    Real men don't consider a sport without physical contact a sport, no contact it's a "game".

    Real men believe in the creed "there's no such thing as too much horsepower".

    Real men, upon finding an intruder in his home, will shoot first, ask questions later.

    Real men prefer to go to an "event" that sells hot dogs.

    REAL MEN DON'T OWN SAILBOATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. #5
    Registered Roger 1's Avatar
    My Boats:
    1993 Cigarette Top Gun
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Kankakee Illinois
    A few additions.

    Real men know how to use an axe as a tool or a weapon.

    Real men have injured themselves with powertools and still aren`t afraid of them.

    Real men have used a combination of butterfly bandages and superglue to close wounds.

    Real men don`t freak out when they see a police officers govenment .45 in his holser with the hammer back.

    Real men know how to use a chainsaw without the ''sissy assed tip guard''.

    Real men don`t worry about getting in touch with their feminine side because they don`t have one.

    Real men consider another males bragging about his conquests with the ladies or in battle ''overcompensating''.

    That`s all I have time for for now. Any more could be seen as bragging or overcompensating.

  6. #6
    My Boats:
    boat less
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Originally posted by Roger 1
    A few additions.

    Real men have used a combination of butterfly bandages and superglue to close wounds.

    and electrical tape

  7. #7
    Registered Roger 1's Avatar
    My Boats:
    1993 Cigarette Top Gun
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Kankakee Illinois
    Originally posted by open72
    and electrical tape
    I stand corrected.

  8. #8
    Registered SmilingBob's Avatar
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    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Winthrop Harbor, IL
    Electrical tape may count nut the "Real Man" standard should and IS Duct Tape.

  9. #9
    My Boats:
    boat less
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Originally posted by SmilingBob
    Electrical tape may count nut the "Real Man" standard should and IS Duct Tape.
    not on my balls

  10. #10
    Registered SmilingBob's Avatar
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    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Winthrop Harbor, IL
    Should say

    "Electrical tape may count BUT the "Real Man" standard should be and IS Duct Tape.

    Also note that a Real man knows it is Duct tape not Duck tape

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