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  1. #1
    Registered The Menace's Avatar
    My Boats:
    46 turbined Skater
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Bonita Springs, Florida

    Beer Troubleshooting Chart



    Feet cold and wet.
    Glass being held at incorrect angle.
    Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

    Feet warm and wet.
    Improper bladder control.
    Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

    Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
    Glass empty.
    Get someone to buy you another beer

    Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
    You have fallen over backward.
    Have yourself lashed to bar.

    Mouth contains cigarette butts.
    You have fallen forward.
    See above.

    Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
    Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
    Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

    Floor blurred.
    You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
    Get someone to buy you another beer.

    Floor moving.
    You are being carried out.
    Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

    Room seems unusually dark.
    Bar has closed.
    Confirm home address with bartender.

    Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
    Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
    Cover mouth.

    Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
    You are dancing on the table.
    Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

    Beer is crystal-clear.
    It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
    Punch him.

    Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
    You have been in a fight.
    Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

    Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
    You've wandered into the wrong party.
    See if they have free beer.

    Your singing sounds distorted.
    The beer is too weak.
    Have more beer until your voice improves.

    Don't remember the words to the song.
    Beer is just right.
    Play air guitar.

  2. #2
    Official OSO boat whore Charter Member
    My Boats:
    8' row boat
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Mequon, WI

    Re: Beer Troubleshooting Chart

    Last edited by Cord; 06-14-2004 at 04:27 PM.

  3. #3
    Registered Downtown42's Avatar
    My Boats:
    2005 42' Fountain SOLD
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    1 Flu Ovr KuKos Nest-WI

    Re: Beer Troubleshooting Chart

    X-prs, what the hell is crawling on your stairs?

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