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  1. #1
    My EX got the Sleekcraft Platinum Member gdfatha's Avatar
    My Boats:
    Sadly, no longer have: Sleekcraft 24'
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Apopka, Florida

    Talking Have you flown lately??

    1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you
    just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having
    a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced,
    "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find
    a seat and get in it!"

    2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight
    attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen,
    we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down
    the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance
    the appearance of your flight attendants."

    3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take
    all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything,
    please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

    4. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are
    only 4 ways out of this airplane"

    5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope
    you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed
    taking you for a ride."

    6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald
    Reagan, alone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big
    fella. WHOA!"

    7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms
    in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight
    announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead
    compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as
    hell everything has shifted."

    8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard
    Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt,
    insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It
    works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't
    know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in
    public unsupervised."

    9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks
    will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the
    mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small
    child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting
    with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small
    child, pick your favorite."\

    10. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some
    broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we
    arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your
    money, more than Southwest Airlines."

    11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in
    the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to
    shore and take them with our compliments."

    12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
    belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly
    among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children
    or spouses."

    13. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta
    Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight
    attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are
    on this flight!"

    14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard
    landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the
    intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what
    y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the
    airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the
    flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

    15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo,
    Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the
    final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it.
    After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said,
    "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain
    in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the
    Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

    16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than
    perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as
    Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

    17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight
    he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The
    airline had a policy which required the first officer to
    stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and
    give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that,
    in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
    passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a
    smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for
    a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do
    you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said
    the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we
    land, or were we shot down?"

    18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the
    attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please
    remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have
    brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.
    And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells
    are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way
    through the wreckage to the terminal."

    19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
    "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.
    And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting
    through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
    you'll think of US Airways."

    20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and
    gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on
    this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you
    can smoke 'em."

    21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it
    reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made
    an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen,
    this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number
    293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather
    ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and
    uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"
    ----- Silence ----- followed, and after a few minutes, the
    captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and
    Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I
    was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally
    spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the
    front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's
    nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

    Happy Holidaze and safe travelling
    Last edited by gdfatha; 12-22-2004 at 03:15 PM.
    marc (Offshore Paparazzo)

    Senior Blue Hair~ I'm so old.. I remember
    "Preparation A"...

  2. #2
    T2x is offline
    Allergic to Nonsense Platinum Member T2x's Avatar
    My Boats:
    1966 !8' Switzer Wing "Miss Diablo" 1968 Switzer Wing "Dust'n the Wind 2",, 1960 Powercat 15C , 1977 17' Molinari w/Evinrude CCC
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Granite Quarry, NC

    Re: Have you flown lately??

    Many years ago I landed at Midway airport, which , as those of you who have been there know, has very short runways. After a smooth flight and approach we were coasting along over the runway when it became apparent that we had too much lift and were going long... The Captain dumped the plane down roughly and we came to an abrupt halt. Shortly thereafter the Captain came on the intercom and using a perfect John Wayne imitation...he said:

    "Pilgrims, I want to tell ya that what you just experienced was a perfect landing timed and conducted to the inch. Unfortunately......... The Runway was 15 feet too low."


  3. #3
    Platinum Member Platinum Member tomtbone1993's Avatar
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    Sep 2003

    Re: Have you flown lately??

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  4. #4
    Platinum Member Platinum Member tomtbone1993's Avatar
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    Re: Have you flown lately??

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  5. #5
    Platinum Member Platinum Member tomtbone1993's Avatar
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    Re: Have you flown lately??

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  6. #6
    Platinum Member Platinum Member CigDaze's Avatar
    My Boats:
    Cigarette 35 Cafe Racer
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    St. Petersburg, FL

    Re: Have you flown lately??


  7. #7
    Registered Reed Jensen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Los Angeles California

    Re: Have you flown lately??

    Here is another funny pic.... Sorry.... I don't have the one of the Southwest airplane that skidded onto Hollywood way in Burbank... that was the one that ended up in the Chevron station... I do though have this one.........
    Attached Images Attached Images

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