t500hps

Nomination for understatement of the year here please!!!!

G Man

Hey Tom. I'm a newer member but welcome back.

Someone post a picture of a "batboat" what is that?

Tom

For crazy people we sure have a lot of insight some times. Athough suicide is not the central part of bipolar it is the number one killer for us. I am only focusing on it right now because of the loss of my best friend and my concern with his dear wife who does not know how to sort it out. Maybe sharing this with my OSOS friends will help one of you some day. Here is a note I got fom one of my bipolar friends that I think says it as well as I have ever heard:

Hi Tom,

First let me say that I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing a best friend, especially that way. Unfortunately, I have much to say about suicide. Although I am bipolar, I believe that each person who attempts to commit suicide is still in a dark, painful, personal hell where there feels as if there is no way out and it is never-ending. In April I attempted suicide and was 20 minutes from being successful. I used pills but it was an incredible amount. When my sister and boss found me, I was in convulsions and the EMT's said that 20 more minutes was all I had. I did this in spite of the fact that I have numerous people around me who love and support me. Suicide is NEVER something one who's hurting really even wants, we just want the pain and struggles of life to stop. But when we're in that darkness, it feels like death is the only way out. The last thing we want to do is hurt those who love us. What I did was tell myself that those who love me would understand because they would not want me living with such pain. And no matter how many people love us and how much they love us, there's nothing that they can do, sadly. I wish I could say that there's something that someone could've said, some magical word or words. But I guarantee that there's nothing any of you could've done, not that this means you meant less to him, just that at that point, we are lost in our own darkness. Also, it's not about being selfish, although it looks like that from the outside to those who love us. Actually, we can sometimes convince ourselves that they're better off without us, they will no longer have to help lift us out of whatever sadness and despair we're mired in. Depression in any form, whether part of bipolar illness or on its own, something chemical or triggered by an outside pain delivered by life, is an ugly, confusing part of life that too many people fight with. Sadly some lose the battle and other's are forced to continue to fight. I know someone who commited suicide some time ago and I'm so confused by it, why didn't God step in and save him. He had so much, a loving wife, family, children. This confuses me terribly, as someone who attempted. Why do I have to stay and fight? The reality that it's so random makes the understanding so much harder.
I don't really know what parts of this, if any, you'll share with her or when, but I hope I may have helped in some small way. Suicide is ugly, and I'm sad when anyone leaves their friends and family this way. All I can say is that it was something he felt he needed to do. And I'm sure he didn't think that this was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. He felt stuck and confused and lost in blackness. I hope none of you are angry with him, I'm also sure he NEVER meant to hurt ALL of those who loved him. Keep loving him.
Dawn

Tom

the boat under my name is a batboat. maybe someone with a better membership can post a bigger one, I let my membership lapse along with my mind a few years ago :-)

batboat: coolest boat in the world for those of us who have been on one - biggest piece of **** that can't possibly live up to the claims according to everyone else. I have delusions of grandeur, so don't take my word for it. Just remember to ask the most important question when you hear opinions - have you ever been in one? Ocke invented a better boat http://www.ocke.se/news/NEWS_XB_03/xb_03.html but it doesn't look as cool.

From Ocke "The B-23 raceboat we make weigh dry ready to race apr 1600 lb due to UIM racing rules. With 210 propHp they does 94 mph and with 260 pHp they does 106 mph in official UIM speedtrials. On the racecourse they do best in the rougher waters."

www.batboats.com

www.batboat.com
• 12 Metres with two x 300 HP Mercury motors
• Top speed: 126 MPH 0-60 MPH in 4.6 secs

f311fr1

Welcome back. Sometimes you have to force yourself out of the dark side and out in public. Joe Murray

Tom

I remember you very well as the one who was most supportive while I was losing it. I recall that you asked questions to help me explain what was going on for me without judging me and making me feel bad. I wish all law officers were like you.

My wife once freaked out because we had gotten into a fight and instead of my usual yeling I left to cool off (which I thought was the right thing to do). She called the sheriff because she had recenly read a book about a woman who's husband killed himself and she was worried about me. All I did was go sleep in a cabin on another part of the property and when Ellen found me she called the sheriff back to say I was OK.

Well the sheriff was not troutly! He insisted on seeing me and busted into my cabin threatening to haul me away to the nut house because he thought I was a danger to myself. He went through my bags looking for ways I could kill myself (as if I couldn't have just taken all of the pills he held up as OK) and it was the most humiliating thing in my life. I wish law enforcement could get training on how to handle us crazy people because all they do is make things worse.

There is a form of suicied we call cop assisted becasue if you are afraid to kill yourself all you have to do is get a cop to do it for you.

Needless to say I think troutly is a wonderful guy who we should all wish is the one who pulled us over since he would handle it with understanding and consideration - probably still give us a ticket though :-)

fatdaddy

TRom, welcome back and best of luck to you. My room mate in law school was bipolar. I didn't know it at the time. He had a melt down a few yrs. back, left his job, divorced, etc... You have just reminded me to go look for him again.

frankenstein

Tom, we don't know each other from a hole in the wall, but a nice cruise on a nice boat is the best way to deal with stuff. Think about stuff and do the right thing. We've all been there.

Tom

Is that an offer? Can you take both of me :-) My boat is down and I really could use a cruise on any boat. Even thinking of taking out one of those rowboats on the little fishing lake by my house!

I came out of the closet (bipolar), lost my best friend to suicide, and my friends at OSO have me joking and smiling - I can't thank you all enough.

Catman - I plan to stay this time. Last time I tried one post as if I was 'normal' and couldn't keep up the charade. Now that you all know I am nuts I am free to say anything I want. Aint it great to be crazy? I do plan to ask for advise while I try to get my boat back together.

Now who is going to read my book and tell everyone what a total nutcase I am? www.bipolaradvantage.com

Manic Depression has given me the ability to do great things in my life, or at least the delusion to think they were!

packinair