Fri morning funnies
01-18-2002, 06:39 AM
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Fri morning funnies
The old man went to a wizard and asked if he could get rid of a curse that's been living with him for 40 years. The wizard said "of course, but you need to tell me the exact words that gave you that curse" The old man replied, "I now pronounce you man and wife!!"
Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q. Why is divorce so expensive? A. Because it's worth it.
Q. What is a Yankee? A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common? A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? A. Well-hung.
Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony? A. It's not hard.
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes.
Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.
Ten Things men know for sure about women.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have breasts.
A man fell asleep on the beach under the noon day sun and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs. He was taken to the hospital. His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister. Anything that touched his legs caused agony. The doctor prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water and electrolytes, a mild sedative and Viagra.
Rather astounded, the nurse inquired, "What good will Viagra do him in that condition?" The doctor replied, "It will keep the sheet off of his legs."
Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q. Why is divorce so expensive? A. Because it's worth it.
Q. What is a Yankee? A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common? A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? A. Well-hung.
Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony? A. It's not hard.
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes.
Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.
Ten Things men know for sure about women.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have breasts.
A man fell asleep on the beach under the noon day sun and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs. He was taken to the hospital. His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister. Anything that touched his legs caused agony. The doctor prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water and electrolytes, a mild sedative and Viagra.
Rather astounded, the nurse inquired, "What good will Viagra do him in that condition?" The doctor replied, "It will keep the sheet off of his legs."
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someone say Ice fishin 
