BE A MAN!!
01-18-2002, 12:58 PM
#1
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BE A MAN!!
Damn, It's Good to Be a Man!
· Your last name stays put.
· The garage is all yours for the boats when you are single or when you have a VERY understanding wife.
· Wedding plans take care of themselves and the groom gets his head out of his ass, gets cold feet, the plans get cancelled! (Sorry you happily married guys/gals some of us just aren’t meant to be married!!)
· Chocolate is just another snack just like clean clams.
· You can be President.
· You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
· Car mechanics tell you the truth (this can be stretching it a little if you don’t beat the **** out of them first).
· You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. (look at Howard Stern)
· You can stand on the swim platform and make all bodies of water your urinal.
· You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too "yucky", unless you’re looking for the gas attendant with the big boobs.
· Same work...more pay.
· Wrinkles add character.
· Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100. Boats $100,000+
· People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
· The occasional well-rendered belch and fart is practically expected.
· New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
· Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?", unless you’re on the boat and they don’t notice the altered engine hatch for the new blowers! Then you throw them overboard.
· One mood, ALL the time. ( “Let’s go BOATING” )
· Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
· You know stuff about tanks.
· A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase and plenty of gas money for the boat.
· You can open all your own jars.
· Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
· You can leave the motel bed unmade.
· You can kill your own food.
· You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness like complimenting a fellow boat owner how nice his boat is.
· If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
· Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
· If you are 34 and single, nobody notices because boating is more important than marriage and satisfying women!.
· Everything on your face stays its original color.
· You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat at over 100 mph.
· Three pairs of shoes are more than enough plus one extra pair of soft bottoms so you don’t mark up the boat.
· You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
· You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."
· You don't mooch off other's desserts.
· You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift, but make sure you bring enough money for your share of the fuel bill if you’re going boating.
· You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
· You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
· You almost never have strap problems in public but you can scratch your jewels in public.
· You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
· The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
· You don't have to shave below your neck.
· Your belly usually hides your big hips.
· One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
· You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife or the universal tool.
· You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
· You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
· Damn it's good to be a man.
· And I thought I would add this for the board:
· You can own the loudest, biggest (that you can possibly afford), fastest (that you can possibly afford), and most obnoxious (to those whimpy blowboaters and some fishermen), POWERBOAT on this earth!!!
Although you have people like BCC who are the exception!
· Your last name stays put.
· The garage is all yours for the boats when you are single or when you have a VERY understanding wife.
· Wedding plans take care of themselves and the groom gets his head out of his ass, gets cold feet, the plans get cancelled! (Sorry you happily married guys/gals some of us just aren’t meant to be married!!)
· Chocolate is just another snack just like clean clams.
· You can be President.
· You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
· Car mechanics tell you the truth (this can be stretching it a little if you don’t beat the **** out of them first).
· You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. (look at Howard Stern)
· You can stand on the swim platform and make all bodies of water your urinal.
· You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too "yucky", unless you’re looking for the gas attendant with the big boobs.
· Same work...more pay.
· Wrinkles add character.
· Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100. Boats $100,000+
· People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
· The occasional well-rendered belch and fart is practically expected.
· New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
· Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?", unless you’re on the boat and they don’t notice the altered engine hatch for the new blowers! Then you throw them overboard.
· One mood, ALL the time. ( “Let’s go BOATING” )
· Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
· You know stuff about tanks.
· A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase and plenty of gas money for the boat.
· You can open all your own jars.
· Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
· You can leave the motel bed unmade.
· You can kill your own food.
· You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness like complimenting a fellow boat owner how nice his boat is.
· If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
· Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
· If you are 34 and single, nobody notices because boating is more important than marriage and satisfying women!.
· Everything on your face stays its original color.
· You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat at over 100 mph.
· Three pairs of shoes are more than enough plus one extra pair of soft bottoms so you don’t mark up the boat.
· You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
· You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."
· You don't mooch off other's desserts.
· You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift, but make sure you bring enough money for your share of the fuel bill if you’re going boating.
· You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
· You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
· You almost never have strap problems in public but you can scratch your jewels in public.
· You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
· The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
· You don't have to shave below your neck.
· Your belly usually hides your big hips.
· One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
· You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife or the universal tool.
· You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
· You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
· Damn it's good to be a man.
· And I thought I would add this for the board:
· You can own the loudest, biggest (that you can possibly afford), fastest (that you can possibly afford), and most obnoxious (to those whimpy blowboaters and some fishermen), POWERBOAT on this earth!!!
Although you have people like BCC who are the exception!
01-18-2002, 02:52 PM
#4
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I like '· You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat at over 100 mph.' the best.
My wife usually does a little dance with the imaginary brake pedal.
Sean
My wife usually does a little dance with the imaginary brake pedal.
Sean
01-18-2002, 09:25 PM
#7
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Location: In your driveway while you sleep
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1. You can pee in the shower without having to wash your feet again!!!
2. You can leave a bar feeling attractive even if you had to buy all your own drinks.
3. You can Justify spending more on a boat, Than on a house.
2. You can leave a bar feeling attractive even if you had to buy all your own drinks.
3. You can Justify spending more on a boat, Than on a house.
01-18-2002, 09:26 PM
#8
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Location: In your driveway while you sleep
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1. You can pee in the shower without having to wash your feet again!!!
2. You can leave a bar feeling attractive even if you had to buy all your own drinks.
3. You can Justify spending more on a boat, Than on a house.
2. You can leave a bar feeling attractive even if you had to buy all your own drinks.
3. You can Justify spending more on a boat, Than on a house.
