Offshoreonly.com - Any chemistry types out there?

TWO NEW ADDITIONS TO THE PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEMENTS

Element Name: WOMANIUM
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)

Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing and
may freeze any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not used
well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity
with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone.
Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed
next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of
wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!

Element Name: MANIUM
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/ - 50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape
easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample.
Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as
young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also
tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD
(Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged period of time. Neuralize by saturating
with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to
produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to
smell