Offshoreonly.com - Political Correctness - My first humor contribution to OSO

HOW TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN and STILL BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT

She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE

She is not HALF-NAKED - She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METABOLICALLY OVERBURDENED

She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES

She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER

She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION

She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT

She is not KINKY - She is a NON INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is GRAVITY RESISTANT

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HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN and STILL BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY

He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN

He doesn't GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He investigates ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS

He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICULAR REGRESSION

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS

He does not get FALLING DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION

He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY

He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES - He has an INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MEMENT

He is not AFFRAID OF COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED