OT - how to move on after a separation?
01-12-2002, 09:12 AM
#1
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OT - how to move on after a separation?
Looks like my g/f and I are calling it quits, on good, but sad, terms. Been together for over a year. Not interested in bar scene. Looking for advice on how to weather this storm. Things are OK for a while, until something brings up the thought of her - like who's gonna be my first mate this season - won't be the same w/o her.
I'm not real sentimental, but it still hurts - the memories, etc.. Without a doubt the most fun I've had with a woman has been with her. And NO, I doubt there is anything we can do to get back together - we went to a counselor for a few visits, and that (apparently) did not resolve our differences.
[ 01-12-2002: Message edited by: kook ]
I'm not real sentimental, but it still hurts - the memories, etc.. Without a doubt the most fun I've had with a woman has been with her. And NO, I doubt there is anything we can do to get back together - we went to a counselor for a few visits, and that (apparently) did not resolve our differences.
[ 01-12-2002: Message edited by: kook ]
01-12-2002, 09:27 AM
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Yo man.. your boat will be back soon. I know it's hard seeing it being trailered down the road behind another truck, but it's all for the better. If things don't work out with that boat, there are lots of other boats out there! 
You were talking about boats right? I wouldn't want to have to revoke your "guy card" for a sentimental display.
Seriously, if you are going to counseling and not even married... that's a bad sign anyway. Probably better to happen sooner rather than later. Suck it up and move on.
BT
You were talking about boats right? I wouldn't want to have to revoke your "guy card" for a sentimental display.
Seriously, if you are going to counseling and not even married... that's a bad sign anyway. Probably better to happen sooner rather than later. Suck it up and move on.
BT
01-12-2002, 09:31 AM
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Hey kook,
I feel for ya man! Been through the same thing but I went as far as to buy a ring and all that mess. Just look at it this way you two could have done the deal(marriage) then things wouldn't have worked out then you would have been in even a larger mess. Hats off to both of you for seeking counseling. You really need to go away for a little while get out of the surroundings your in. Sooner or later you will hook up again and you will say to yourself exgirlfriend who?
I feel for ya man! Been through the same thing but I went as far as to buy a ring and all that mess. Just look at it this way you two could have done the deal(marriage) then things wouldn't have worked out then you would have been in even a larger mess. Hats off to both of you for seeking counseling. You really need to go away for a little while get out of the surroundings your in. Sooner or later you will hook up again and you will say to yourself exgirlfriend who?
01-12-2002, 09:38 AM
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kook- since we are in the same boat, i'm in no position to give any advice, but spending time with friends and family is helping me to pass the time. as long as i'm busy and my mind is off of her, things aren't so bad. the idle time on nights and weekends is rough.....
jbk
jbk
01-12-2002, 09:59 AM
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jbk:
Yes, the idle time on weekends (e.g. right now) is the killer.
________________
FWIW, I still want(ed) to continue the relationship. A while ago, I was the one who wanted out. We did a couple visits to a counselor, and I thought we were making *some* progress - lines of communications opened up some, we realized that what we *thought* the other person was thinking was not always the case, due to poor communication on both sides - I'm piss poor at communicating "feelings", but she was even worse - imagine that.
Things seemed to be on the "up" - we were in contact with each other every day by phone and/or e-mail - just saw each other earlier this week..... even had plans on going down to the beach this weekend, staying at my folks beach house....... Then at about 5PM yesterday I get a "Dear John" e-mail! Says one of her resolutions for the year was to do focus on what makes her happy (she's had it a lot worse than me - 10 years of a lonely marriage that ended a few years ago, disfunctional family, etc). Evidently she was not "happy enough" with our situtation. I thought it was a friggin' joke - had to make sure the date wasn't April 1st! I get on the horn to her and sure enough, no joke. Wham - hit me and I didn't see it coming.
I'm sure that there is not "someone else" - this is one area we communicated well, and both can not lie about that type of thing and be able to sleep at night.
Yes, the idle time on weekends (e.g. right now) is the killer.
________________
FWIW, I still want(ed) to continue the relationship. A while ago, I was the one who wanted out. We did a couple visits to a counselor, and I thought we were making *some* progress - lines of communications opened up some, we realized that what we *thought* the other person was thinking was not always the case, due to poor communication on both sides - I'm piss poor at communicating "feelings", but she was even worse - imagine that.
Things seemed to be on the "up" - we were in contact with each other every day by phone and/or e-mail - just saw each other earlier this week..... even had plans on going down to the beach this weekend, staying at my folks beach house....... Then at about 5PM yesterday I get a "Dear John" e-mail! Says one of her resolutions for the year was to do focus on what makes her happy (she's had it a lot worse than me - 10 years of a lonely marriage that ended a few years ago, disfunctional family, etc). Evidently she was not "happy enough" with our situtation. I thought it was a friggin' joke - had to make sure the date wasn't April 1st! I get on the horn to her and sure enough, no joke. Wham - hit me and I didn't see it coming.
I'm sure that there is not "someone else" - this is one area we communicated well, and both can not lie about that type of thing and be able to sleep at night.
01-12-2002, 12:08 PM
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Kook,
Two pieces of advise:
If you really want her back the best thing would be to let her go. No calls no email, no email replies, nothing... dead silence. She'll be back inside or two week begging your forgiveness.
Second... absolutely no country music. Hard rock only and none of those sissy songs.
Good luck... and if your not re-hitched by spring, or hooked up with someone new, I'll have you over to pick out some new trim from the campground-marina scene. Usually a few sweeties looking for a ride on a fast boat.
Dave
Two pieces of advise:
If you really want her back the best thing would be to let her go. No calls no email, no email replies, nothing... dead silence. She'll be back inside or two week begging your forgiveness.
Second... absolutely no country music. Hard rock only and none of those sissy songs.
Good luck... and if your not re-hitched by spring, or hooked up with someone new, I'll have you over to pick out some new trim from the campground-marina scene. Usually a few sweeties looking for a ride on a fast boat.
Dave
