Offshoreonly.com - Hump Day Quickies I

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant and is told by the
maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait,
would he like to wait in the bar. So he goes and has a seat
at the bar.

The bartender walks up and says with a heavy accent, "What
you dlink?"

The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."

The bartender squints at him for a few seconds, then smiles
and says, "Once upon time were *four* little pigs..."

***********************

A Zen master visiting New York City goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.

The vendor puts the bill in the cashbox and closes it. "Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Zen master.

The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

***********************

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.

"Well ... they feel a bit tight." replies the man.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet. "Try pulling the tongue out" offers the clerk.

"Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.

***********************

A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce dangling from his rectum.

“That looks nasty,” says the doctor.

“Nasty?” the man says. “That’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

:eek: :eek: :D :D :p