OT: TGIF (Thank God Its Funny) Tuesday !!
 

The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states, "I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news."

Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope tells them, "Jesus Christ has returned to the world. The time of judgment is at hand, and our faith in His existence is justified."

After the commotion dies down a bit, one of the cardinals speaks up, asking what the terrible news is.

The Pope replies, "He was calling from Salt Lake City."

*******

This guy loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. If you missed a ferry late at night, you had to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.

So, when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.

He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?"

"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."

*******

HOW TO SAY, "I LOVE YOU" IN 20 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:

English . . . . . . . . . .I Love You
Spanish . . . . . . .. . Te Amo
French . . . . . . . . . . Je T'aime
German . . . . . . . . . .lch Liebe Dich
Japanese . . . . . . .. .Ai ****e Imasu
Italian . . . . . . . . . .. Ti Amo
Chinese . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni
Swedish . . . . . . . . . .Jag Alskar

Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, West Virginia, Mississippi and Kentucky: ...
Nice Tits!