Like Tree0Likes

Cool Boater List - how do you rate

Reply
Old 06-07-2002, 09:02 AM
  #1
Registered
Thread Starter
 
Rambunctious's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Holland, Mich
My Boats: 95 Formula 336 SR1 525SC's
Posts: 1,046
Default Cool Boater List - how do you rate

Here is a list that Waterfoul and I put together about three years ago for our local boat club (SEA100 in Holland Mich) most of you will ace this. but see how you rate, and add some more

it is in the context of male ego gear head kind of stuff.

THE COOL BOATER LIST

1. Should be at a minimum a weekend NASCAR fan.
2. Should know who won the last race, and where the next race is.
3. Cool flag displaying favorite sports team, NASCAR driver, alma mater, etc...
4. Must have some form of Carribean/tropical CD for cruising the channel, or just Bob Marley. No buffett i guess
5. MUST have cool stereo (Subs are a must) to play afformentioned tunes on.
6. Boat owner must have a tan (cannot be dutch pale white w/ beat red sunburn) .ie most Holland boaters on Memorial day!!!
7. Must have a stainless prop (+1 if polished, +1 if 4 blade, +1 if labbed, +1 if twins, -1 if bravo III's )
8. Must have opperable trim tabs
9. Must have depth gauge to keep from hitting the bottom with
stainless prop
10. Vessel must be Coast Gaurd legal
11. Cool poker run type vest pfd's must outnumber the less than cool orange pfd's
12. Boat owner should have at least one subscription to a Boating
magazine (or a buddy that has 3 subscriptions)
13. Trailer must be in good mechanical condition: Lights work, brakes work, BUNKS are in good shape, no roller trailers, etc...
14. Tow vehicle must be a truck or sport utility vehicle
15. Said vehicle must be a 4x4
16. Said vehicle must be clean when towing the boat (mudding is
allowed and encouraged when not towing the boat, ie 4x4 is necessary)
17. Boat must be clean and waxed
18. Must have a good anchor with lots of rode (not rope,
see #20)
19. VHF antenna CANNOT be vertical, must be angled aft, -10 for vertical antenna
20. Boat owner uses proper nautical terms: starbord, port, fore and aft, stern, bow, MPH (knots are for blow boters), rode, etc...one use of the word Rope while on the water - 20
21. Boat must have at least one V-8 motor
22. Thru-hull exhaust
24. Dead rise must be a minumum of 23 degrees
25. Boat must have a cool name displayed prominently
26. NO feminine names
27. Boat driver must(not necessarily the owner, who WILL) have a cool boating shirt
28. Boat should be equiped with cool towels to protect new or clean vinyl
29. MUST have cool shades to keep wind/bugs/bow spray out of drivers eyes
30. NO lines or fenders (Overtons calls them FENDERS) hanging while under way (qualifies as a safety item also)
31. Cool stickers are recomended
32. Tow vehicle will have a V-8 engine (if not your boat is not very cool, to small)
33. Tow vehicle should have a nice stereo to play cool tunes on while towing cool boat
34. If cool boat does not do at least 60 mph, get a cooler boat!
35. A cool boater puts boating ahead of doing yard work (unless it means sleeping on the couch or better half is pregnant)
36. Weather is irrelevent. Period!
37. Sea conditions are irrelevent (to a point of being safe)
38. Cooler must be full of cold beverages
39. Coolies for cans are a must
40. Power sun deck is impressive
41. GPS is cool
42. Must be able to get major air time launching off 3-5 ft swells without killing anyone on board. Scaring them to death is however, recomended.
43. Chicks on board is a must. If you have none, cruising for chicks is necessary.
44. Boating alone is allowed only under the following circumstances:
a. Trying to get an accurate top speed reading
b. You put in early before anyone else is out of work to get a slip at a busy marina.
c. You scared passengers wave jumping and they bailed out on
you (see #42)
45. A cool boater WILL tow his fellow cool boaters to gas/safety
46. A cool boater will NEVER let his fellow cool boater forget that he was on the wrong end of the tow rope (he may/will need help some
day)
47. A cool boater will dock his boat on the first try. Period. Wind
and sea conditions are irrelevent. Compensate or get out of
cool boating (buy a blow bote).
48. A cool boater does not carry on a conversation on VHF channel
16 or allow his children/passengers to do so (major pet peave)
49. A cool boater will know the weather forcast for the coming
weekend by Tuesday (see #36)
50. A cool boater will go NO WAKE around marinas and moored boats
51. A cool boater will obey the rules of boating when riding a
borrowed PWC (sea-doo) and not interfere with other cool
boaters
52. A cool boater will not let his friends/relatives buy a Bayliner
(AKA Bottomliner)
53. Cool boaters always observe the proper launch ramp etiquet:
a. Be prepared when you get there. It is easier to do in the driveway at home any way.
b. NEVER do boat repairs in the ramp unless it means you
are going to sink, or something as tragic
c. NEVER (and this is the biggest) pull you boat out and stop to do clean up in front of the ramp. You just pulled your truck/trailer out of a parking spot, go back there! Your in the Way! My friend Mike will kill you for this!

54. Hitch ball must be 2 5/16". If not, your boat is too small.
Rambunctious is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 06-07-2002, 09:37 AM
  #2
Registered
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,215
Default

TRUE
THRILLSEEKER is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 06-07-2002, 10:09 AM
  #3
Official OSO boat whore
Charter Member
Trade Score: (2)
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Mequon, WI
My Boats: 8' row boat
Posts: 6,157
Default

Boy, I sure failed that one! Guess I'd better be going...
Cord is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 06-07-2002, 10:14 AM
  #4
Were doomed!
Charter Member
Trade Score: (1)
 
Wally's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Chicago, IL
My Boats: Chris Craft Stinger 222
Posts: 5,527
Talking

Well other then the first three, i aced that one!
Good one!
__________________
-Wally

Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy horsepower. And I've never seen a sad person hauling a$$!
Wally is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 06-07-2002, 10:20 AM
  #5
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
 
CigDaze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
My Boats: Cigarette 35 Cafe Racer
Posts: 21,346
Default

I think we have a new Constitution!!!!
CigDaze is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 06-07-2002, 10:49 AM
  #6
Registered
 
Jayl13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Boynton Beach FLORIDA!!!!
My Boats: 1991 41 Apache WarPath!!!
Posts: 1,842
Default

Get this
Take all the ones you failed and put them all together and imagine what you would look like

16 ft bayliner with a vertical antenna and no thru hulls, with some girly name on it like wilma, playing a news radio station, wearing a gay shirt, no sunglasses and bugs in your teeth from running through the weeds cause you cant hang in the channel with no women or anyone on board, ghost white no tan, and your boat is filthy and dirty and not waxed and your FENDERS are hangin on all 4 corners and your boat still is all bashed up and your trying to get a hold of yer redneck wife on channel 16

LOL
Sorry could not resist

Actually what is worse than this is having a 10 thou pound paperweight in your driveway!!!!!!!!!
Jason
Jayl13 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 06-07-2002, 11:00 AM
  #7
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
 
CigDaze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
My Boats: Cigarette 35 Cafe Racer
Posts: 21,346
Default

LMAO JASON!!!!!!
CigDaze is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 06-07-2002, 11:03 AM
  #8
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
 
Zoom3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Waltham, MA
My Boats: 1995 24' Outlaw
Posts: 106
Default

Jayl13,

Tooo funny.

I agree with Baja Daze, adopt as a new constitution.
Zoom3 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 06-07-2002, 11:13 AM
  #9
Registered
Trade Score: (1)
 
HiPerf2000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: N.E.
My Boats: Sonic
Posts: 4,072
Default

I agree with Wally....I meet every cool boater standard but the first three.

That was pretty funny Jay......but you forgot one thing....The guy pulls his Bayliner with his 1982 Wood paneled station wagon (the family truckster -- Vacation)!!

Last edited by hi-perf-2000; 06-07-2002 at 11:18 AM.
HiPerf2000 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 06-07-2002, 11:32 AM
  #10
Registered
 
mattyboy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: greenwood lake USA
Posts: 581
Default

hey, wait a minute I'm Irish, I'm a little sensitive about the size thingy no punn intended
with a 16' Donzi
i got the right answers to

21
22
24
34
43

so I guess I'm not cool

I'd rather be a dork than sell my boat
mattyboy is offline  
Reply With Quote
Reply

Related Topics
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
mjb
General Q & A
12
03-12-2006 06:49 PM
FlyFast
General Q & A
16
08-18-2005 11:04 PM
Waterfoul
General Boating Discussion
48
02-11-2003 09:05 PM
Miller
General Boating Discussion
1
03-17-2002 11:45 PM



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:02 AM.


Copyright 2011 OffShoreOnly. All rights reserved.