Offshoreonly.com - OT: TGIF Tuesday

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity.

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's part. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

*************************

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.

"My darling Becky," he whispered.

"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."

He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something I must confess to you."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping becky. "Everything's all right, go to sleep."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your Mother!"

"I know," Becky whispered softly. "That's why I poisoned you.

:D :D :D