Offshoreonly.com - OT; News headlines year 2035

Subject: Newspaper Headlines in 2035
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Ozone created by electric cars, now killing millions in the 7th largest country
in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's 3rd
language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.

Baby conceived naturally... Scientists stumped.

Authentic year 2000 "Chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the
Middle East (formerly known as Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Egypt,
Syria & Lebanon.)

Iran and Iraq are still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least
one hundred more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but
President Chelsea Clinton has banned smoking.

George X. Bush says he will run for President again in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail
delivery to Wednesday morning only.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Massachusetts executes the last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules imprisonment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Average height of NBA now nine feet, seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows: it crashes
BEFORE installation is completed.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, flyswatters, and
rolled up newspapers must be registered as weapons by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to
liberals campaign accounts.

Capital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with Congressman.

Congress orders IRS to lower individual tax rates to 75%
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