OT; Pilot gripe/repair sheet
 

After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the
> mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that
need
> repair or correction. The form is a piece of paper that the pilot
completes,
> and then the mechanics read and correct the problem. They then respond in
> writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken and
the
> pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be
said
> that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some
actual
> logged maintenance complaints and problems, as submitted by QUANTAS
pilots,
> and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is
> the only major airline that has never had an accident.
>
> P = The problem logged by the pilot.
> S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
> S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they're there for.
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.