Hey Ladies.......
 

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women? A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q. Why do men get married? A. So they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more.

Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short? A. So men can remember them.

I'm surprised it took you this long...........:D:D;).

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?


Dating children.

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?


For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

1.Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half of the time!!!

2. What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

3. Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism

If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in
convenience stores and drive-through windows

Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn!!!!!!

How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
A.One - men will screw anything.
B.One - men will screw up anything.
C.Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it

What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.


Why are men like laxatives?
They can irritate the **** out of you.


What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him.

Hey....this is no fair right now!!!! All of the women are WORKING, while you guys are on here bashing us!!
I'm going to finish laundry.
:D

Mom's have Mother's Day, father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday

What kills me about dumb men is they act like women don't know how to handle money.
Like men do?!?!
I was talking with a guy the other day and he told me he lost $200 on the Giants, then he lost $200 on the Redskins, and another $200 on theRaiders.
I said, "If you have to gamble, why don't you forget the football and start gamblimg on something you can win at? Like horses."
"Oh I couldn't," he said, "I don't know anything about horse racing."

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door!
3. If they put one man on the moon -they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander -it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men -most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

:D I LOVE IT!!!!!!
Keep them coming girlfriend!!!!!!!!!
I am just cracking up!

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing".

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

What do you call a woman without an azzhole?

Single! HA!:D

Then GOD said to Adam: I will create the perfect mate for you and she will be called Woman. She will be beautiful and nuturing. You will live together in perfect harmony, raise many children, and grow old together in comfort and peace surrounded by love.

Then GOD said to Adam: This Woman we will call Eve, but she will cost you your right arm for she will be closer than your own arm and share your work. She will cost your left eye but she will share your visions. She will cost you one testicle because with her by your side you will be twice the man you are now!

Adam thought for a moment and asked: GOD What can I get for a rib?

The rest is history........

Hey Consintracy, about all those men jokes........:D

those posts make my life sound mundane

Hot Water~ (In a comforting voice) Don't worry it'll be o.k!!:)
There there now;)

BTW...Hot Water~ You did get my gift in the "Degrading Women" thread right?!?!