Snappy Comebacks.............
12-18-2002, 01:32 PM
#11
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Officer: Do you realize the speed limit is 55 mph?
Me: I know, but I'm only going to be driving for 20 minutes.....
And this one at Home Depot:
While I'm carrying 60 pounds of something (forget what)
Guy in Lumber Section: You need a cart?
ME: Sure.
Guy: I'm just making fun of you.
ME: Oh, you work here?
Guy: Yeah.
ME: I'm just making fun of you.......
Me: I know, but I'm only going to be driving for 20 minutes.....
And this one at Home Depot:
While I'm carrying 60 pounds of something (forget what)
Guy in Lumber Section: You need a cart?
ME: Sure.
Guy: I'm just making fun of you.
ME: Oh, you work here?
Guy: Yeah.
ME: I'm just making fun of you.......
Last edited by McGary911; 12-18-2002 at 01:36 PM.
12-18-2002, 01:39 PM
#12
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TRUE STORY:
I was in driving school this past Sat and they went around the room where everybody had to tell the instructor (a retired NY cop with an attitude) what they did wrong.
Girl in class: "I was speeding, going 95 in a 65 MPH zone"
Instructor: "What were you driving, a 4 cyl Honda?"
Girl in class: "Yes, I have a Honda civic"
Instructor: "Figures....Next"
Guy in class: "I was speeding going 105 in a 65 MPH zone"
Instructor: "That's pretty fast, what do you drive, a Honda civic?"
Guy in class: "No, I drive an SL500"
Instructor: "Wow, that's a nice car. A Honda goes 100 MPH, why do you need an SL500?"
Guy in class: "Because I can afford it."
Instructor: "Next"
I was in driving school this past Sat and they went around the room where everybody had to tell the instructor (a retired NY cop with an attitude) what they did wrong.
Girl in class: "I was speeding, going 95 in a 65 MPH zone"
Instructor: "What were you driving, a 4 cyl Honda?"
Girl in class: "Yes, I have a Honda civic"
Instructor: "Figures....Next"
Guy in class: "I was speeding going 105 in a 65 MPH zone"
Instructor: "That's pretty fast, what do you drive, a Honda civic?"
Guy in class: "No, I drive an SL500"
Instructor: "Wow, that's a nice car. A Honda goes 100 MPH, why do you need an SL500?"
Guy in class: "Because I can afford it."
Instructor: "Next"
12-18-2002, 01:57 PM
#13
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True story;
Years ago one of my phsyco buddies figured out that he could drive his new GTA with his feet while sitting on the roof (through the T roof )of the car with the cruise control on.
Yep sure enough we drove right past a cop.
My buddy still waits until the cop has his lights on to get back in the car. I thought we were going to get shot. Looking in the mirror I could see he was furious and I was quite nervous to say the least.
As he comes to the window, mouth open about to scream my buddy interupts with......." I ****ed up you Fuzziness!". With that I almost wet myself and the cop stands back and say, what did you call me. My budddy again say very matter-o-factly, "Your Fuzziness". For a split second the cop is speachless and tells us if he see's us again we are in a load of **** and tells us to leave, NOW!
I dont know how or why but this kid pulled **** like this all the time and got away with it. It was always a little nerve racking to hang around with him.
Years ago one of my phsyco buddies figured out that he could drive his new GTA with his feet while sitting on the roof (through the T roof )of the car with the cruise control on.
Yep sure enough we drove right past a cop.
My buddy still waits until the cop has his lights on to get back in the car. I thought we were going to get shot. Looking in the mirror I could see he was furious and I was quite nervous to say the least.
As he comes to the window, mouth open about to scream my buddy interupts with......." I ****ed up you Fuzziness!". With that I almost wet myself and the cop stands back and say, what did you call me. My budddy again say very matter-o-factly, "Your Fuzziness". For a split second the cop is speachless and tells us if he see's us again we are in a load of **** and tells us to leave, NOW!
I dont know how or why but this kid pulled **** like this all the time and got away with it. It was always a little nerve racking to hang around with him.
12-18-2002, 02:02 PM
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I told my wife we should have gotten a pre-nup before we got married. She asked why, and I said "so I can leave this marriage with everything I brought into it". She said "I don't want your waterbed anyway".
12-18-2002, 07:22 PM
#15
Trooper chasing a woman for speeding. She speeds up even more, then comes to a screeching stops at the corner gas station, runs into the restroom. Upon exiting the restroom the trooper was waiting for her. When she saw him she just smiled and said
"Bet you didn't think I was going to make it either, did you!"
Trooper just shook his head and walked off.
True story from a newspaper article dated from the 50's in my grandfathers photo albums.
Heck you know it's old cause she just ran into the restroom.........DIDN'T NEED A KEY !!!!!!!
"Bet you didn't think I was going to make it either, did you!"
Trooper just shook his head and walked off.
True story from a newspaper article dated from the 50's in my grandfathers photo albums.
Heck you know it's old cause she just ran into the restroom.........DIDN'T NEED A KEY !!!!!!!
12-18-2002, 10:40 PM
#16
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true story
after getting a past car fixed--1991 Barreta--I was hauling ass down a country highway
I lived there for a while so I knew the road well
I was getting ready to come up to a little hill and then a stop sigh about 1/2 mile later.
I let off the gas. when i let off the gas I was doing just over 100
reason for this was to test the front end. It had a shimmy and shake in it before at anyhitng over 65.
Just topped the hill and the local sheriff is coming the other way
He topps the hill and goes out of eyesight of me. I however see him hit the brakes to turn around.
Before he even gets turned around adn back over the hill to see me I am parked on the side of the road waiting
he parks and comes up to me and asks " why you just sitting here?"
I replied that I knew I was wrong, you seen me, you were turning around, why keep going?
He asked the usuall ? as to why I was goin so fast. Told him about the repairs and i just got hte car back. Thought I felt the shake again on the way home. Showed him the repair papers and he said next time you want to run 70mph on a country road to take it to the interstate instead
If he only knew I was on a coasting slow down from 100+
after getting a past car fixed--1991 Barreta--I was hauling ass down a country highway
I lived there for a while so I knew the road well
I was getting ready to come up to a little hill and then a stop sigh about 1/2 mile later.
I let off the gas. when i let off the gas I was doing just over 100
reason for this was to test the front end. It had a shimmy and shake in it before at anyhitng over 65.
Just topped the hill and the local sheriff is coming the other way
He topps the hill and goes out of eyesight of me. I however see him hit the brakes to turn around.
Before he even gets turned around adn back over the hill to see me I am parked on the side of the road waiting
he parks and comes up to me and asks " why you just sitting here?"
I replied that I knew I was wrong, you seen me, you were turning around, why keep going?
He asked the usuall ? as to why I was goin so fast. Told him about the repairs and i just got hte car back. Thought I felt the shake again on the way home. Showed him the repair papers and he said next time you want to run 70mph on a country road to take it to the interstate instead
If he only knew I was on a coasting slow down from 100+
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12-19-2002, 01:28 AM
#18
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This is a story my mom loves to tell....
One day she got pulled over for speeding in town. It just so happened that my dad came up on this. He slowed down and opened his window and yelled to the cop "Give her hell officer!!"
The cop looked at my mom and asked if she new who that was. She tells him its her husband. The cop looks at her and tells she can go with this reason..."lady you don't need a ticket from me, looks like you have enough problems as it is" So my mom drove off and met my dad for lunch for a big laugh.
One day she got pulled over for speeding in town. It just so happened that my dad came up on this. He slowed down and opened his window and yelled to the cop "Give her hell officer!!"
The cop looked at my mom and asked if she new who that was. She tells him its her husband. The cop looks at her and tells she can go with this reason..."lady you don't need a ticket from me, looks like you have enough problems as it is" So my mom drove off and met my dad for lunch for a big laugh.
12-19-2002, 01:56 AM
#19
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1998...
After getting my built LT-4 back into my vette, a buddy and I decided to see how close the ECM program was calibrated to the new engine.
We took the Gtech and laptop with us.
Out on the Highway we go at around 11:30pm on a weeknight.
We did a few 4th gear pulls and the last one(of course) was past a cop on the roadside shootin radar.
He comes up on us and flashes us over...I pull over and didn't notice the Gtech flashing "120"..."MPH"..."120"..."MPH".
When he got to the car he asked me how fast we thought we where going?
I looked at the Gtech and laughed out "120 Sir?"
He laughed and said that I was close..."122mph"
We talked about Vettes for a few minutes and he sent us on our way!?!?
After getting my built LT-4 back into my vette, a buddy and I decided to see how close the ECM program was calibrated to the new engine.
We took the Gtech and laptop with us.
Out on the Highway we go at around 11:30pm on a weeknight.
We did a few 4th gear pulls and the last one(of course) was past a cop on the roadside shootin radar.
He comes up on us and flashes us over...I pull over and didn't notice the Gtech flashing "120"..."MPH"..."120"..."MPH".
When he got to the car he asked me how fast we thought we where going?
I looked at the Gtech and laughed out "120 Sir?"
He laughed and said that I was close..."122mph"
We talked about Vettes for a few minutes and he sent us on our way!?!?
12-19-2002, 01:59 AM
#20
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OK BOY'S TRUE STORY.
I WAS WITH A BUDDY OF MINE AND HE WAS DRUNK AS ****. WE WERE GOING DOWN A ONE WAY STREET. WE PASSED A COP AND HE PULLED US OVER. THE COP SAY'S SON DO YOU REALIZE YOUR GOING DOWN A ONE WAY STREET. MY FRIEND REPLIED ABSOLUTLY SIR I WAS ONLY GOING ONE WAY. I ONLY ASSUME BECAUSE OF THE BEWILDERED LOOK ON THE COPS FACE HE HAD NEVER HERD THAT BEFORE SO HE LET HIM GO CONTINUING TO DRIVE DOWN A ONE WAY STREET. I LAUGHED ALL THE WAY.
TREADWELL
I WAS WITH A BUDDY OF MINE AND HE WAS DRUNK AS ****. WE WERE GOING DOWN A ONE WAY STREET. WE PASSED A COP AND HE PULLED US OVER. THE COP SAY'S SON DO YOU REALIZE YOUR GOING DOWN A ONE WAY STREET. MY FRIEND REPLIED ABSOLUTLY SIR I WAS ONLY GOING ONE WAY. I ONLY ASSUME BECAUSE OF THE BEWILDERED LOOK ON THE COPS FACE HE HAD NEVER HERD THAT BEFORE SO HE LET HIM GO CONTINUING TO DRIVE DOWN A ONE WAY STREET. I LAUGHED ALL THE WAY.
TREADWELL
