Don't Know if true but #8 is very Funny
02-07-2003, 04:35 PM
#1
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Don't Know if true but #8 is very Funny
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman
who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the
police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced
him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the
kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in
the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store
clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up
and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't
control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man
shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!" (close enough, I
think)
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold
up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger
to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his
pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8 . THE GRAND FINALE (I LOVE THIS ONE!!!)
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east
of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a
problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22
ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how
much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they
putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was
wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop
was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the
water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so
hard. NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE .... Under the boat, still strapped
securely in place, was the trailer.
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman
who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the
police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced
him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the
kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in
the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store
clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up
and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't
control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man
shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!" (close enough, I
think)
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold
up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger
to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his
pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8 . THE GRAND FINALE (I LOVE THIS ONE!!!)
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east
of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a
problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22
ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how
much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they
putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was
wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop
was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the
water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so
hard. NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE .... Under the boat, still strapped
securely in place, was the trailer.
Platinum Member
Sadly enough I work for #1 and that cost us a lot of jobs
02-08-2003, 07:25 AM
#7
Gold Member
Gold Member
Last year there was a TV program on called "Worlds Dumbest Criminals".
One story they told was of a teenager that robbed a local convenience store. After clearing the register of cash he turned and bolted out the door only to run head first into his parents. They held him till the police arrived.
And the one about a guy robbing a liquor store, along with the cash he demanded a bottle of booze. The store clerk told the crook he didn't look old enough to drink. The crook pulled out his license to prove his age.
Quick thinking clerk memorized the guy name and address then returned the license and gave him the liquor. Cops arrested the crook at his home later that day.
One story they told was of a teenager that robbed a local convenience store. After clearing the register of cash he turned and bolted out the door only to run head first into his parents. They held him till the police arrived.
And the one about a guy robbing a liquor store, along with the cash he demanded a bottle of booze. The store clerk told the crook he didn't look old enough to drink. The crook pulled out his license to prove his age.
Quick thinking clerk memorized the guy name and address then returned the license and gave him the liquor. Cops arrested the crook at his home later that day.
Charter Member
