OT: Funny
05-08-2003, 08:25 PM
#1
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Thread Starter
OT: Funny
Subject: I Take it back
Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
could
crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned
around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a
word... he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
==================
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls..."
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
===================
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety
of
nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your
nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
===================
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that
if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my
horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If
you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing
Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were
screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson, Stafford, Virginia
====================
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got
up
to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine
her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for
all
the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That
was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently
misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone,
a
voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN
WITH
YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
===================
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It
was
very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter and she
was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while,
so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh
Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with
me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell
was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an
accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and
spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people
nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his
pants
and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the
best
laugh they'd ever had!
=================
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before
she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true
story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
where's
that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave
the
set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
could
crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned
around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a
word... he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
==================
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls..."
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
===================
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety
of
nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your
nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
===================
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that
if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my
horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If
you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing
Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were
screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson, Stafford, Virginia
====================
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got
up
to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine
her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for
all
the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That
was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently
misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone,
a
voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN
WITH
YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
===================
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It
was
very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter and she
was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while,
so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh
Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with
me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell
was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an
accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and
spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people
nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his
pants
and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the
best
laugh they'd ever had!
=================
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before
she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true
story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
where's
that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave
the
set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
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