Just Say N2O

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE (THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED):

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair..

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.



GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE (THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree..

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the joy.



GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.



THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.



THE STAGES OF SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends..

At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.

At age 20 success is . . . having sex.

At age 35 success is . . . having money.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age 60 success is . . . having sex.

At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

D_Casten

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.