Status of a Hangover
Now I wouldn't know anything about this but I'm told.............
>>>One Star Hangover (*) >>>No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're >>>able to function relatively >>>well. However, you are still parched. You can >>>drink 5 sodas and still feel >>>this way. For some reason, you are craving a >>>steak &fries. >>> >>>Two Star Hangover (**) >>>No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You >>>may look okay, but you have >>>the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee >>>you are chugging is only >>>increasing your rumbling gut, which is still >>>tossing around the fruity >>>pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House >>>excursion. There is some definite >>>havoc being reeked upon your bowels. >>> >>>Three Star Hangover (***) >>>Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are >>>definitely not productive. >>>Any time a girl walks by you gag because her >>>perfume reminds you of the >>>flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends >>>dared you to drink. Life >>>would be better right now if you were home in >>>your bed watching Lucy >>>re-runs. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon >>>of water, 3 iced teas and a >>>diet coke and haven't peed yet!!! >>> >>>Four Star Hangover (****) >>>Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't >>>speak too quickly or else you >>>might puke. Your boss has already lambasted >>>you for being late and has >>>given you a lecture for reeking of booze. >>>You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the >>>fact that you only shaved one >>>side of your face. (For the women, it looks >>>like you put your make-up on >>>while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look >>>like one big red vein, and >>>even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in >>>perpetual spasm, and the first >>>of about five ****s you take during the day >>>brings water to the eyes of >>>everyone who enters the bathroom. >>> >>>Five Star Hangover (*****) >>>You have a second heartbeat in your head, which >>>is actually annoying the >>>employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor >>>is seeping out of every pore >>>and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste >>>crust in the corners of your >>>mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to >>>get the remnants of the poop >>>fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to >>>generate saliva so your tongue >>>is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest >>>idea who the hell the >>>stranger was passed out in your bed this >>>morning. Any attempt to defecate >>>results in a fire hose like discharge of >>>alcohol-scented fluid with a rare >>>'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of >>>this 'floater' seems to be to >>>splash the toilet water all over your ass. >>>Death sounds pretty good about >>>right now. >>> >>>THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE >>>DRUNK: >>>Indubitably >>>Innovative >>>Preliminary >>>Proliferation >>>Cinnamon >>> >>>THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN >>>YOU'RE DRUNK: >>>Specificity >>>British Constitution >>>Passive-aggressive disorder >>>Loquacious Transubstantiate >>> >>>THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY >>>WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: >>>Thanks, but I don't want to have sex >>>Nope, no more booze for me >>>Sorry, but you're not really my type >>>Good evening officer, isn't it lovely >>>out tonight >>>Oh I couldn't, nobody wants to hear me >>>sing |
:D :D :D
I like that one. After the leopa poker run tomorow I'll give my rating sunday morning. |
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