OT - Thursday AM Humor
11-20-2003, 08:00 AM
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OT - Thursday AM Humor
A woman hears her husband swearing up a storm from behind the bathroom door. She knocks and asks, "What is it?" Her husband emerges from the bathroom and says, "The doctor prescribed suppositories for this stomach problem I've been having and no matter what I do, I just can't get the bloody thing up there. Even the doctor had to shove the first one in to show me how it was done, and I tell you it took him forever to get it up there, and it hurt like heck!"
"You were probably nervous and tense and he probably wasn't very gentle with you. Here, let me give you the suppository, I don't mind," says the wife.
Still grumbling, the husband bends over. His wife puts her left hand on his shoulder to brace him and with the right hand, quickly and easily slips the suppository up her husband's rear end. The husband lets out a bloodcurdling scream.
"My God," says the wife. "What happened? Did I hurt you?"
"No!" cries the man. "But I just realised that when the doctor did it, he had BOTH his hands on my shoulders!"
"You were probably nervous and tense and he probably wasn't very gentle with you. Here, let me give you the suppository, I don't mind," says the wife.
Still grumbling, the husband bends over. His wife puts her left hand on his shoulder to brace him and with the right hand, quickly and easily slips the suppository up her husband's rear end. The husband lets out a bloodcurdling scream.
"My God," says the wife. "What happened? Did I hurt you?"
"No!" cries the man. "But I just realised that when the doctor did it, he had BOTH his hands on my shoulders!"
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11-20-2003, 09:54 AM
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Thursday Humor Attempt #2
Two old friends are just about to tee off at the first hole of their
local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag calls out to them,
"Do you mind if join you? My partner didn't turn up."
"Sure," they say, "You're welcome."
So they start playing and enjoy the game and the company of the
newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asks the
guy, "So, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man."
"You're joking!"
"No, I'm not," he says, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a
beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.
"Here are my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," says the other friend, "Can I
take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."
So he picks up the rifle and looks through the sight in the direction
of his house.
"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic! I can
see right in the window!"
"Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!
What's that? Wait a minute, that's my next-door neighbor in there with
her..... He's naked, too! That *****!"
He turns to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"
"I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the
trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife. She's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the
mouth. Then the neighbor. He's actually a friend of mine, so just
shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hitman takes out the rifle and takes aim, standing perfectly still for
about a minute.
"Are you going to do it or not?" asks the friend impatiently.
"Just wait a second, be patient," says the hitman calmly, "I think I
can save you a grand here....."
Two old friends are just about to tee off at the first hole of their
local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag calls out to them,
"Do you mind if join you? My partner didn't turn up."
"Sure," they say, "You're welcome."
So they start playing and enjoy the game and the company of the
newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asks the
guy, "So, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man."
"You're joking!"
"No, I'm not," he says, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a
beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.
"Here are my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," says the other friend, "Can I
take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."
So he picks up the rifle and looks through the sight in the direction
of his house.
"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic! I can
see right in the window!"
"Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!
What's that? Wait a minute, that's my next-door neighbor in there with
her..... He's naked, too! That *****!"
He turns to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"
"I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the
trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife. She's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the
mouth. Then the neighbor. He's actually a friend of mine, so just
shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hitman takes out the rifle and takes aim, standing perfectly still for
about a minute.
"Are you going to do it or not?" asks the friend impatiently.
"Just wait a second, be patient," says the hitman calmly, "I think I
can save you a grand here....."
