Offshoreonly.com - bar jokes

Saw these on another site and robbed them..
1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don t start anything."
3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
6. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."
7. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true," exclaimed Daisy, "no Bull."
8. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
9. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull**** before.
11. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
12. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
14. A man came to the hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, you've lost your arms!"
15. I went to a seafood disco rave last week.... and pulled a mussel.
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that...... 'you can't have your kayak and heat it too.'
17. A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's... um...well... I have five penises" replies the man.
"Wow" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."