Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!
Perfect days
> > > > > > PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN: > > > > 8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses. > > > > 8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday. > > > > 8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants. > > > > 9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil. > > > > 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer. > > > > 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out. > > > > 12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe. > > > > 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs. > > > > 1:00 Shopping with friends. > > > > 3:00 Nap. > > > > 4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer. > > > > 4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage. > > > > 5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror. > > > > 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing. > > > > 10:00 Hot shower. > > > > 10:30 Make love. > > > > 11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling. > > > > 11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms. > > > > > > PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN: > > > > 6:00 Alarm > > > > 6:15 Blowjob. > > > > 6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section. > > > > 7:00 Breakfast. Filet mignon, eggs, toast and coffee. > > > > 7:30 Limo arrives. > > > > 7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport. > > > > 8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia. > > > > 9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club. > > > > 9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par. > > > > 11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens. > > > > 12:15 Blowjob. > > > > 12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par. > > > > 2:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis. > > > > 2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap. > > > > 3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew. > > > > 4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin - 1,249 lbs. > > > > 5:00 Jet back home. En route, get fondled and massaged by naked super model. > > > > 7:00 Watch CNN News flash. Bin Laden found dead. > > > > 7:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 oz.. New York strip. > > > > 9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar. > > > > 10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs. > > > > 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi. > > > > 11:45 Go to bed. > > > > 11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room. > > > > 11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep. You da man!! |
Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!
HAHA thats awsome.
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Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!
7:00 Watch CNN News flash. Bin Laden found dead.
I like that! :D |
Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!
[QUOTE=DaveP]Perfect days
> > F'ing beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!
Rotflmao
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Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!
Make my reservations for me, sounds like a great day!!!!!
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Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!
Somehow they forgot driving Bicardi Silver with Johnny at the throttles? :drink: They must not be boaters! It does sound like a great day though.
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Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!
Ahhhhhhhh!
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Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!
Ok..for those of you who asked for the boaters version:
PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN: > > > > 6:00 Alarm > > > > 6:15 Blowjob. > > > > 6:30 Massive dump while reading the Powerboat Magazine. > > > > 7:00 Breakfast. Filet mignon, eggs, toast and coffee. > > > > 7:30 Limo arrives. > > > > 7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport. > > > > 8:15 Private jet to Key West, Florida. > > > > 9:30 Limo to Hilton Marina with 6 girls from the Red Garter Saloon. > > > > 9:45 Race Bacardi Silver with JT on the Sticks, finish 1st! > > > > 11:45 Lunch at Conch Republic with Bobby Moore, Jerry Gilbreath, Richie Powers & John Tomlinson > > > > 12:15 Blowjob at the Scrub Club on Duval Street. > > > > 12:30 Race Bacardi Silver with either Bobby, Jerry or Richie, finish 1st! > > > > 2:15 Limo back to airport with 6 Red Garter Saloon Girls. Drink 2 Jack n Cokes! > > 2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap. > > > > 3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew. > > > > 4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin - 1,249 lbs. > > > > 5:00 Jet back home. En route, get fondled and massaged by naked super model. > > > > 7:00 Watch CNN News flash. Bin Laden found dead. > > > > 7:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 oz.. New York strip. > > > > 9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar. > > > > 10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs. > > > > 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi. > > > > 11:45 Go to bed. > > > > 11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room. > > > > 11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep. You da man!! |
Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!
I like it. The girl part anyway! :D :D :D
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