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Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!

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Old 06-22-2004, 06:45 PM
  #1
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Default Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!

Perfect days
> >
> >
> > PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN:
> >
> > 8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
> >
> > 8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday.
> >
> > 8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.
> >
> > 9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.
> >
> > 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.
> >
> > 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.
> >
> > 12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.
> >
> > 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs.
> >
> > 1:00 Shopping with friends.
> >
> > 3:00 Nap.
> >
> > 4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer.
> >
> > 4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage.
> >
> > 5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror.
> >
> > 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.
> >
> > 10:00 Hot shower.
> >
> > 10:30 Make love.
> >
> > 11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
> >
> > 11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.
> >
> >
> > PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN:
> >
> > 6:00 Alarm
> >
> > 6:15 Blowjob.
> >
> > 6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section.
> >
> > 7:00 Breakfast. Filet mignon, eggs, toast and coffee.
> >
> > 7:30 Limo arrives.
> >
> > 7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport.
> >
> > 8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia.
> >
> > 9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.
> >
> > 9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par.
> >
> > 11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens.
> >
> > 12:15 Blowjob.
> >
> > 12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par.
> >
> > 2:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis.
> >
> > 2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap.
> >
> > 3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew.
> >
> > 4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin - 1,249 lbs.
> >
> > 5:00 Jet back home. En route, get fondled and massaged by naked super model.
> >
> > 7:00 Watch CNN News flash. Bin Laden found dead.
> >
> > 7:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 oz.. New York strip.
> >
> > 9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.
> >
> > 10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs.
> >
> > 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.
> >
> > 11:45 Go to bed.
> >
> > 11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room.
> >
> > 11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep. You da man!!
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Old 06-22-2004, 06:52 PM
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Default Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!

HAHA thats awsome.
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Old 06-23-2004, 11:21 AM
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Default Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!

7:00 Watch CNN News flash. Bin Laden found dead.

I like that!
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Old 06-23-2004, 04:26 PM
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Default Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!

[QUOTE=DaveP]Perfect days
> >


F'ing beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 06-23-2004, 04:50 PM
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Default Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!

Rotflmao
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Old 06-23-2004, 04:52 PM
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Default Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!

Make my reservations for me, sounds like a great day!!!!!
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Old 06-23-2004, 04:56 PM
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Default Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!

Somehow they forgot driving Bicardi Silver with Johnny at the throttles? They must not be boaters! It does sound like a great day though.
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Old 06-23-2004, 04:58 PM
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Default Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!

Ahhhhhhhh!
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Old 06-23-2004, 05:08 PM
  #9
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Default Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!

Ok..for those of you who asked for the boaters version:

PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN:
> >
> > 6:00 Alarm
> >
> > 6:15 Blowjob.
> >
> > 6:30 Massive dump while reading the Powerboat Magazine.
> >
> > 7:00 Breakfast. Filet mignon, eggs, toast and coffee.
> >
> > 7:30 Limo arrives.
> >
> > 7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport.
> >
> > 8:15 Private jet to Key West, Florida.
> >
> > 9:30 Limo to Hilton Marina with 6 girls from the Red Garter Saloon.
> >
> > 9:45 Race Bacardi Silver with JT on the Sticks, finish 1st!
> >
> > 11:45 Lunch at Conch Republic with Bobby Moore, Jerry Gilbreath, Richie Powers & John Tomlinson
> >
> > 12:15 Blowjob at the Scrub Club on Duval Street.
> >
> > 12:30 Race Bacardi Silver with either Bobby, Jerry or Richie, finish 1st!
> >
> > 2:15 Limo back to airport with 6 Red Garter Saloon Girls. Drink 2 Jack n Cokes!
> > 2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap.
> >
> > 3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew.
> >
> > 4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin - 1,249 lbs.
> >
> > 5:00 Jet back home. En route, get fondled and massaged by naked super model.
> >
> > 7:00 Watch CNN News flash. Bin Laden found dead.
> >
> > 7:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 oz.. New York strip.
> >
> > 9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.
> >
> > 10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs.
> >
> > 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.
> >
> > 11:45 Go to bed.
> >
> > 11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room.
> >
> > 11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep. You da man!!
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Old 06-23-2004, 05:50 PM
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Default Re: Usually I delete these emails, but this one is HILARIOUS!!!

I like it. The girl part anyway!
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