Offshoreonly.com - Sat. Blonde Funnies...

> > > Three blondes were all applying for the last
> > available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The
> > detective conducting the interview looked at the 3
> > of them and said, "So ya'll want to be a cop, eh?"
> > >
> > > The blondes all nodded.
> > >
> > > The detective got up, opened a file drawer and
> > pulled out a file folder.
> > >
> > > Sitting back down, he opened it up and withdrew a
> > picture, and said, "To be a detective, ya have to be
> > able to detect. Ya must be able to notice things
> > such as distinguishing features and oddities such as
> > scars, etc."
> > >
> > > So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the
> > 1st blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds.
> > "Now, he said, "did ya notice any distinguishing
> > features about the man?"
> > > The blonde immediately said, "Yes , I did. He has
> > only one eye!"
> > >
> > > The detective shook his head and said, "Of course
> > he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile
> > of his face! You're dismissed!"
> > >
> > > The 1st blonde hung her head and walked out of the
> > office. The detective then turned to the 2nd blonde,
> > stuck the photo in her face for 2 seconds, pulled it
> > back and said, "What about ya? Notice anything
> > unusual or
> > > outstanding about this man?"
> > >
> > > "Yes! He only has one ear!"
> > >
> > > The detective put his head in his hand and
> > exclaimed, "Didn't ya hear what I just told the
> > other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of
> > course ya can only see one ear!! You're excused,
> > too!"
> > >
> > > The 2nd blonde sheepishly walked out of the
> > office. The detective turned his attention to the
> > 3rd and last blonde and said, "This is probably a
> > waste of time, but......." He flashed the photo in
> > her face for a couple of
> > > seconds and withdrew it, saying "All right. Did ya
> > notice
> > > anything distinguishing or unusual about this
> > man?"
> > >
> > > The blonde said, "I did. This man wears contact
> > lenses."
> > >
> > > The detective frowned, took another look at the
> > picture and began looking at some of the papers in
> > the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a
> > puzzled
> > > _expression and said, "You're absolutely right!
> > His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world
> > could ya tell that by looking at this picture?"
> > >
> > > The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well duh!
> > With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't
> > wear glasses.

A blonde was on vacation in the depths of
> > Louisiana. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine
> > alligator shoes in the worst way... but was very
> > > reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors
> > were asking for the highly prized shoes.
> > >
> > > After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle
> > on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the
> > blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll
> > > just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can
> > get a pair of shoes at a decent price!"
> > >
> > > The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile,
> > "Little lady,y'all just go and give it a try, why
> > don'cha!". The blonde turned on her heel and headed
> > out toward the swamps, determined to catch herself
> > an alligator.
> > >
> > > Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving
> > home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where
> > he spots that same young woman standing waist
> > > deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.
> > Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot 'gator swimming
> > rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes
> > aim, kills the creature... and, with a great deal of
> > effort, hauls it onto the slimy swamp bank. Lying
> > nearby were several more of the dead creatures.. The
> > shopkeeper stands on the bank and watches this
> > scenario in amazed silence..
> > >
> > > Just then, the blonde struggles and flips the
> > 'gator on its back. Then, rolling her eyes
> > heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she
> > shouts
> > > out, "Damn, this one is barefoot, too!"