Offshoreonly.com - Racing Prenuptial

One of my buddies sent me a nascar prenuptial ... I fine tuned it to fit me better :D Id love to see how you guys change it to fit you :cool:

1. If you take a genuine interest in racing, I will be more than happy to help you gain an intimate understanding of the sport.

2. Events and activities are to be planned around nascar and boat races. So learn the race schedule. Under special circumstances, this may not apply (poker run or other boating activity). However, if I will miss a race, it must be taped using TWO VCRs (just in case one fails). NO special circumstances will be considered for the following races: Daytona 500, either race at Talladega, and the Bristol night race!

3. You already know the normal holidays.....Easter, Christmas, and Thanksgiving. I have 3 other holidays: Speed Weeks, Daytona and the Worlds (where ever they may be). These holidays WILL be observed!

4. During a race I DO NOT accept phone calls. No matter how many times you call.... I will NOT answer.

5. If we are watching a race together...please observe the following rules:
Do not touch the remote, television, receiver, or VCR. Doing so will result in serious injury or worse. Do not talk during the race...Duct tape will be used if necessary. You must sit a minimum of five feet away from me. This is partially for your own safety.

6. While you may find Jamaica a romantic vacation spot, I find Bristol, Talladega, Charlotte, and anywhere that has race shops or tracks romantic spots.

7. When I take my vacation, I will be visiting one or more of the places mentioned above. Your free to come with me but your presence is not necessary.

8. If it comes down to a choice between you and racing......racing will win.

This next one just makes me smile ... cuz I get Bristol tickets ... and the ex didnt try to take them in the divorce .. part of why we still get along :D

9. If the opportunity arises that I can get tickets to the Bristol race under the lights, complete with garage access, I will do anything for them. If it requires your assistance, you will do anything to ensure I get them.