cheer this forum up a bit
 

Hi all ,there is a boating forum here in the uk with a joke section , so heres one i read yesteday ; Man lying on a nudest beech with only a hat covering hi privet parts to shield from the sun . a lady walks past as says ,if you were a gentleman you would tip your hat, man says if you werent so damm ugly it would tip itself

Mike was going to be married to Mary
so his Father sat him down for a little chat.

He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.''

She did and said, 'These are too big.
I can't wear them.'

I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in
this family and I always will.'

Ever since that night, we have
never had any problems.

'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Mary, 'Here, try these on..!


She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'

Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family
and I always will.
I don't want you to ever forget that.'

Then Mary took off her panties and handed them to Mike.She said, 'Here, you try on mine !


Mike did and said,
'I can't get into your panties.'

Mary said, 'Exactly.
And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'

like it
 

Like it going to post on the uk boat forum

tarzan jane
 

When Jane initially met tarzan in the jungle,she was attracted to him And during her questions about his life,she asked him how he had sex? Tarzan not Know sex" he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was . Tarzan said" oh....Tarzan use Knot hole in tree trunk ". Horrified Jane said, Tarzan you have it all wrong, but i will show you how to do it properly. She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. Here she said pointing to her privates, you must put it in here.! Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood,stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch ! Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed' What did you do that for? Tarzan replied . "CHECK for squirrel

Aftershave
 

Just tried on my new aftershave smells just like bread crumbs " the birds just love it

Muslim turn around
 

Years ago the Muslim women had to walk ten paces behind the men so that everybody could see exactly who was in charge. On a recent trip to the country a reporter noticed that now the women are walking ten paces ahead of the men . The reporter ask one of the men the reason " is this equality in your religion " The muslim man looked confused and said no - LAND MINES