1. Why did God create woman?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

2. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the
bird of true love?
The swallow

3. How do you annoy your wife during sex?
Phone her.

4. Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.

5. What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is f*cking her.

6. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.

8. How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, let the ***** cook in the dark.

9. How do you cure a nymphomaniac?
Marry her!

10. Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove
and refrigerator.

11. What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

12. How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.

13. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag
at you, what have you done wrong?
You made her chain too long.

14. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!

15. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

16. What are the three fastest means of communication?
a) Internet b) Telephone c) Telawoman

18. How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

19. How is a woman like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your
dick

20. What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

21. How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and
in the end you lose your house.

22. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
She knows she's given her last blow job.

23. What's the difference between a ***** and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a *****
sleeps with everyone at the party except you.

24. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After 10 years the job still sucks.

26. Why is the space between a women's breasts and her
hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in
there.

27. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

28. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

29. Why did the woman cross the road?
What's the ***** doing out of the kitchen in the first
place?!

30. Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
Cause it doesn't need cleaning yet.

..but funny as hell!!

This should generate some flack!

Brutal is an understatement.

31. Why do divorces cost so much?
Because they are worth it.

32. Why do men usually die before thier wives?
Because they want to.

Risk Taker, you have reached a new high with this one i beleive you have outdone yourself with this one.

I have to give that one a

Those were great. I feel much better now that I am not the only one thinking like this One problem with the Hunter, they eat what they shoot???? Not me. I will eat before i shoot. NEVER after That is pretty groose.

Now that you mention it, I don't know why that's in there.....doesn't really fit the rest of the list......away it goes !!